I am not here at all.'s Avatar

I am not here at all.

@h09ap.bsky.social

MDNI (18+) Level forty-two dharma bum and feral writer. Sometimes skin. Sometimes ink. I write about hunger, becoming, and the beautiful violence of being human.

16 Followers  |  17 Following  |  21 Posts  |  Joined: 07.10.2025  |  1.8178

Latest posts by h09ap.bsky.social on Bluesky

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โ€œI am the monster that breathing men would killโ€
#monsterfuckers #nsfwsky #nsfwmen #bloodkink #vampires #wetwednesday

15.10.2025 23:30 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 29    ๐Ÿ” 12    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 7    ๐Ÿ“Œ 4
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#quoteoftheday

13.10.2025 20:56 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 89    ๐Ÿ” 20    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 2    ๐Ÿ“Œ 0
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#kinkypoetry #altlove #ritualbeauty #queersecret #softwreckage #poetrythread #intimateworlds #powerexchange

13.10.2025 03:29 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 2    ๐Ÿ” 0    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0    ๐Ÿ“Œ 0
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#poetry #poetsofbluesky #micropoetry #innerchild #blueskypoets

13.10.2025 03:05 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 2    ๐Ÿ” 0    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0    ๐Ÿ“Œ 0
They had become a home.
Not walls, but shelter.
Not roof, but refuge.
The kind of place built in breath and fingertips,
in whispered names and shared silences.
I do not know how to carry a house
once the light inside has gone out.
I only know the shape of absence
and the echo of locked doors

They had become a home. Not walls, but shelter. Not roof, but refuge. The kind of place built in breath and fingertips, in whispered names and shared silences. I do not know how to carry a house once the light inside has gone out. I only know the shape of absence and the echo of locked doors

#poetry

13.10.2025 03:00 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 3    ๐Ÿ” 0    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0    ๐Ÿ“Œ 1
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can you kiss me better than the sun? ๐Ÿ’‹๐ŸŒž๐Ÿ‘

#peach #sunlight #maidoutfit #lingerie #sexy #nfsw #hot #portrait #selfportrait

25.09.2025 11:55 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 339    ๐Ÿ” 19    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 14    ๐Ÿ“Œ 0
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I would love it if you cast a vote for me. I've made the quarter finals. I would also love any shares to help me get more votes. ๐Ÿ™

faceofhalloween.org/2025/erebus-...

07.10.2025 00:04 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 21    ๐Ÿ” 8    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0    ๐Ÿ“Œ 1
White text on a black background. A minimalist poem reads:

we shed shame
together
like old clothes

i traced the ending
of their features
as if they would be
my beginning

and in that silence
i carried
their absence

waiting
to be
split open

to slip back into myself
bare as skin
clothed
in hope

[i am not here at all]

White text on a black background. A minimalist poem reads: we shed shame together like old clothes i traced the ending of their features as if they would be my beginning and in that silence i carried their absence waiting to be split open to slip back into myself bare as skin clothed in hope [i am not here at all]

For @cruorcrypt.bsky.social

#poetry #altwriting #poetsofbluesky #feralthoughts #ritualtext

12.10.2025 17:41 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 5    ๐Ÿ” 0    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0    ๐Ÿ“Œ 1

I habitually vanish so words can stand in my place. Sometimes, words remember what the body forgets.

12.10.2025 15:47 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 1    ๐Ÿ” 0    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0    ๐Ÿ“Œ 0
Yellow square graphic with centered text reading โ€œEverything flows, nothing stands still.โ€ -Heraclitus. The quote is written in soft orange serif font on a warm yellow background.

Yellow square graphic with centered text reading โ€œEverything flows, nothing stands still.โ€ -Heraclitus. The quote is written in soft orange serif font on a warm yellow background.

#philosophy #heraclitus #stoicism #impermanence #change #flow

12.10.2025 15:34 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 4    ๐Ÿ” 0    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0    ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

I've been thinking about Henry Darger a lot lately. The way he turned solitude into ritualโ€”and ritual into a world. Maybe all creation is a way of saying: see me. Even if you're the only one doing the seeing.

12.10.2025 15:21 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 1    ๐Ÿ” 0    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0    ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Any room for a fellow traveler?

12.10.2025 00:25 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 0    ๐Ÿ” 0    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0    ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ–ค

10.10.2025 18:24 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 1    ๐Ÿ” 0    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0    ๐Ÿ“Œ 0
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My #NSFW #ArtShare starts today, but runs ALL WEEK!!!

I share most posts to my 6K+ followers!

๐Ÿฆ‹ PLEASE SHARE THIS POST!

๐Ÿฆ‹ Share Your NSFW Art! (SFW too.)
๐Ÿฆ‹ Tag cool artists and friends!
๐Ÿฆ‹ Comment on Art, & Follow Artists!
๐Ÿฆ‹ No AI slop!

Much ๐Ÿ–ค to you all! ๐Ÿ˜

Support each other, it helps!!!

10.10.2025 17:29 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 329    ๐Ÿ” 133    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 112    ๐Ÿ“Œ 4
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Thoughts?

Should we be responsible for what others accidentally scroll through on the timeline while at work??

02.10.2025 16:40 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 2    ๐Ÿ” 1    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 2    ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

I love your content. Cheers. ๐Ÿ‘€ ๐Ÿ‘€ ๐Ÿ‘€

10.10.2025 15:38 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 1    ๐Ÿ” 0    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0    ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

gundam is awesome because every show has major flaws and drawbacks an like completely inexcusable plot/character moments and often kind of squander their potential a bit. but you rotate the Whole Object in your mind and despite or even because of its flaws it shines brilliantly

09.10.2025 19:57 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 50    ๐Ÿ” 4    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 6    ๐Ÿ“Œ 0
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Sometimes it just feels like a poem was written exactly for you. I've read this one a hundred times, have even heard WB read it, but when I began to read it this morning the first line brought tears to my eyes.

10.10.2025 10:00 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 148    ๐Ÿ” 26    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 11    ๐Ÿ“Œ 1
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My cartoon for Friday's metro

09.10.2025 13:34 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 60    ๐Ÿ” 19    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1    ๐Ÿ“Œ 2
Vampyrx sits on a bench outside with a gate and trees behind them and a cloudy overcast sky. Theyโ€™re wearing thick platform knee high boots with metal hardware. Theyโ€™re also wearing a leather jacket, a Michael Meyers Monet tshirt, fishnet, glasses and a short black bob with bangs. They have red lipstick on and are staring down at you, the camera is angled up with their feet being a focal point.

Vampyrx sits on a bench outside with a gate and trees behind them and a cloudy overcast sky. Theyโ€™re wearing thick platform knee high boots with metal hardware. Theyโ€™re also wearing a leather jacket, a Michael Meyers Monet tshirt, fishnet, glasses and a short black bob with bangs. They have red lipstick on and are staring down at you, the camera is angled up with their feet being a focal point.

๐บ๐‘œ๐‘–๐‘›๐‘” ๐‘ก๐‘œ ๐‘Ž๐‘› ๐‘œ๐‘‘๐‘‘๐‘–๐‘ก๐‘–๐‘’๐‘  ๐‘“๐‘Ž๐‘–๐‘Ÿ ๐‘–๐‘› ๐‘Ž ๐‘๐‘œ๐‘ข๐‘๐‘™๐‘’ ๐‘ค๐‘’๐‘’๐‘˜๐‘ . ๐‘ƒ๐‘’๐‘Ÿ๐‘“๐‘’๐‘๐‘ก ๐‘ก๐‘–๐‘š๐‘’ ๐‘“๐‘œ๐‘Ÿ ๐‘ฆ๐‘œ๐‘ข ๐‘ก๐‘œ ๐‘ก๐‘Ÿ๐‘–๐‘๐‘ข๐‘ก๐‘’ ๐‘Ž๐‘›๐‘‘ ๐‘ ๐‘’๐‘›๐‘‘ ๐‘ ๐‘œ ๐‘กโ„Ž๐‘Ž๐‘ก ๐ผ ๐‘๐‘Ž๐‘› ๐‘๐‘œ๐‘š๐‘’ โ„Ž๐‘œ๐‘š๐‘’ ๐‘ค๐‘–๐‘กโ„Ž ๐‘™๐‘œ๐‘ก๐‘  ๐‘œ๐‘“ ๐‘œ๐‘‘๐‘‘ ๐‘“๐‘–๐‘›๐‘‘๐‘ . ๐‘ญ๐’–๐’๐’… ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’„๐’–๐’“๐’Š๐’๐’”๐’Š๐’•๐’Š๐’†๐’”, ๐’‘๐’†๐’•.

#findom #femdom #themdom #petplay #gothdomme #ebonydomme #realkink

09.10.2025 19:17 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 15    ๐Ÿ” 9    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 2    ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

All my gabs are flabbered. I suppose this means I've "reached a certain age." Sometimes nostalgia hits like a stake to the chest.

09.10.2025 01:43 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 2    ๐Ÿ” 0    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0    ๐Ÿ“Œ 0
The werewolf from An American Werewolf in London scooting on his butt with his feets up in a very silly and awkward position. He doesn't look thrilled.

The werewolf from An American Werewolf in London scooting on his butt with his feets up in a very silly and awkward position. He doesn't look thrilled.

An American Werewolf with Worms.
#art #werewolf #AWIL #fanart #furry #furryart

02.10.2025 14:46 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 400    ๐Ÿ” 102    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 12    ๐Ÿ“Œ 3
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Ayo Edebiri photographed by Tyler Mitchell for Vogue

08.10.2025 12:21 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 131    ๐Ÿ” 43    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0    ๐Ÿ“Œ 9

I approve of this message.

08.10.2025 18:23 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 1    ๐Ÿ” 0    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0    ๐Ÿ“Œ 0
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The Risk of Ignorance A tale from my childhood.

Hello #poetsofbluesky I wanted to share a personal #poem about my #childhood in an #abusive home.
Thank you for reading ๐Ÿ’œ

vocal.media/poets/the-ri...

29.07.2025 01:44 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 5    ๐Ÿ” 1    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0    ๐Ÿ“Œ 0
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Current work in progress
#paint #painting #paintersofbluesky #art #abstract #artistsofbluesky

06.08.2025 16:18 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 4    ๐Ÿ” 1    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0    ๐Ÿ“Œ 0
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This Is the Most Attractive Hobby a Man Can Have, According to Women If you want to look attractive to women, you might want to put down the gaming headset and pick up a paperback...

Guys, the number one attractive hobby to women? Reading!

Start with my books Dominatrix Boss and Dominatrix Squad!

www.vice.com/en/article/t...

07.10.2025 20:16 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 22    ๐Ÿ” 9    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0    ๐Ÿ“Œ 2

not hunter. not prey. only the fever between.

#poetry #altwriting #writingcommunity #kinkpoetry #poetsofbluesky

08.10.2025 16:56 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 3    ๐Ÿ” 1    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0    ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Apparently, my best friend wants to show me offโ€”and I canโ€™t say Iโ€™m opposed to the idea. ๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿ’ฆ ๐Ÿ–ค

#switch #boytoy #feralposting #altwriting #kink

08.10.2025 16:14 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 2    ๐Ÿ” 0    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0    ๐Ÿ“Œ 0
i watched her work like someone summoning gods
older than names.
her fingers moved as if binding the air itselfโ€”
weaving breath and pigment into covenant.

the light bent toward her,
like it too was caught in her gravity.
like it remembered her from somewhere
before the first sunrise
when the world was still learning how to exist.

i did not speak.
speech felt profane in the presence of ritual.
there are ceremonies you observe from the threshold,
or not at all.
to cross closer would have been
to trespass against something holy.

she was not making art.
she was remembering how to survive.
dragging beauty out of her own marrow,
and laying it bare like an offering
to gods who no longer answer.

i stayed still.
not for fear of rejectionโ€”
but for fear of interfering with the shape of her becoming.
to bear witness was enough.
to see was its own wound.

i watched her work like someone summoning gods older than names. her fingers moved as if binding the air itselfโ€” weaving breath and pigment into covenant. the light bent toward her, like it too was caught in her gravity. like it remembered her from somewhere before the first sunrise when the world was still learning how to exist. i did not speak. speech felt profane in the presence of ritual. there are ceremonies you observe from the threshold, or not at all. to cross closer would have been to trespass against something holy. she was not making art. she was remembering how to survive. dragging beauty out of her own marrow, and laying it bare like an offering to gods who no longer answer. i stayed still. not for fear of rejectionโ€” but for fear of interfering with the shape of her becoming. to bear witness was enough. to see was its own wound.

gradually posting poems from my older kink-poetry account:
@wearenothereatall.bsky.social

#poetry #poetsofbluesky #altwriting #writingcommunity #kinkpoetry

08.10.2025 15:40 โ€” ๐Ÿ‘ 4    ๐Ÿ” 1    ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0    ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

@h09ap is following 17 prominent accounts