Unclenched jaw doesn’t feel natural.

Does anyone else feel vaguely threatened when the robo callers leave you a voicemail that just says “goodbye?”

“It’s not food time” I say to the dog as she stares at her empty bowl and I shovel a handful of goldfish crackers in my mouth.

With the back up of your derby team?

Why are people so bad at eating pizza? At least once a week I have to stop my dog from eating a slice off the road.

The garbage collectors don’t always leave my lid open, but when they do it is always raining.

Sufficiently awkward was too long, so I am awkwardly sufficientlyawk.