The Times is not-so-secretly p*ssed about Mamdani and just kinda spraying everywhere right now.

If an actor went on TV and called someone a fat a*s, they’d never work again. But the streaming network airing the show could show me 12 commercials for a fat people drug and I’m not even supposed to take it personally?

I’m glad I’m not the only one who noticed its absence 🤬

He’s hiding. He just saw Nuremberg and realized what’s next.

You can say “one trillion dollars,” but unless you can throw it on your bed and Indecent Proposal all over it, it doesn’t exist 💸💸💸

If the democrats ever retake the House, I don’t want to hear any sh*t about “healing” and “the high road.” I want to see every ICE agent given the full Nuremberg treatment. There is no other option.

I guess the Seinfeld episode that just went down in the Oval Office wasn’t the weirdest thing to happen this week.

The exact moment the top official on health flees an actual health emergency.

The U.S. is just 340 million people stuck in traffic behind a fatal pileup going, “how could this happen to ME?”

THAT’s our problem.

I haven’t seen a more brazen Costanza move since Seinfeld.

The head of FIFA said football “stands for peace.” Sometimes THIS isn’t about THAT, and that’s okay. I mean, peanut farmers don’t stand for Martinizing, and that’s fine, and just as ridiculous as saying a bunch of soccer hooligans endorsed by Axe Body Spray have anything to do with world peace.

FIFA presenting a peace prize is about as meaningful at the gold plated plastic trophies Trump got with Kohl’s Cash for the mantle in the Oval Office.

I’m actually less concerned with the money than I am making sure the last years of his life are a living hell.

Evangelicals are the Yeah But Christians.

“Yeah, but how many people on SNAP are junkies?”

“Yeah, but he wasn’t a real priest. He had a beard.”

“Yeah, but I gotta think about my kids first.”

Yeah, but anything to excuse Christianity when it’s an inconvenience.

Laura Ingraham always looks like she just ate too much cheese.

I’m against the death penalty, but if I wasn’t, the “student loan” scammers who call me from spoofed numbers ten times a day would be first in line for the gallows.

So, if the court decides the tariffs were illegally implemented by Trump, does that mean Trump’s liable for damages? I mean, if Kmart was found guilty for applying a surcharge to English muffins, Kmart would likely lose a class action lawsuit. I want my money back. We all do. This could get juicy 🍿

Suddenly they care about racial representation? Please, b*tch. David Tangipa looks so white I can smell the allegations from here.

Without-cause firings should be illegal. 14,000 Amazon employees don’t know where their next paychecks are coming from all to increase shareholder dividends, i.e. to give unemployed millionaires a monthly raise.

Dear Christians:

I hope the White House plumbing is still working because you know Trump’s rage binging a half dozen Filet-O-Fish sandwiches right now.

Finally some good news! Sasha Suda, the Canadian who, as Director of the Philadelphia Museum of Art, hired a Brooklyn firm to rebrand the institution as “The Philadelphia Art Museum,” complete with garish new logos not befitting a brewery, was fired this morning. Sasha FedA and FO #leavephillyalone

I just remembered where I’ve seen Trump’s exact body type.

In a literal 11th hour move, the opposition is trying to tie Mamdani to 911.

He was 9.

Are they blaming Mamdani for 911? When he was 9?

CEO business model:
Layoff employees->
Lose profits->
Ask for subsidies because you’re a “job creator”->
Don’t create jobs to increase profits->
Fail->
Blame jobs you never created->
Bailout with the subsidies.

Small business model:
Sell something->
Profit->
Sleep well at night.

The foundation of Christianity is grooming. Hell, they put kids in classes that use cartoons to push their agenda like Joe Camel. No wonder they need a boogeyman. They’re shouting “science is witchcraft!” while using puppets to tell kids that eating a magic cookie will make them live forever.

Americans would charge $45 for a pumpkin and blame it on tariffs because other Americans would buy it. We’re so far above suggested retail price right now the patronizing excuses don’t even make a scratch.

It’s time to once again wonder why a Disney film obsessed with a child’s virginity is such a holiday classic 🧙‍♀️🧙‍♀️🧙‍♀️

I wonder if Trump is ugly because he’s evil or evil because he’s ugly 🤔