andyshaughnessy.bsky.social

a stick figure is sitting in front of a computer monitor . ALT: a stick figure is sitting in front of a computer monitor .

Shh, I’m trying to wr—

“I yearn to learn,” Ewan lied. He didn’t care about the product. He just needed the job.

“If we were a colour, what would we be?” the interviewer asked.

“Green!”

#30words30days #yearn

You are scorching! Thanks for your leadership. It is close to the end of the afternoon in Canada when these prompts come in and I need them!

Pastor Searles turned the page of the pulpit bible as Amy yawned in her spot in the pew in the third row.

“And Jesus wept,” Searles said.

Amy: “Little wonder.”

#30words30days #yawn

Angela pulled the charade card: ‘fountain of youth.’

On the couch, her boyfriend Adam giggled beside his giggling ex-girlfriend.

Angela held up her middle finger.

“One word.”

“Done!” Angela said.

#30words30days #youth

She sold my skis at the yard sale. Old man McGuinity bought ‘em: twenty bucks. My vinyl records? Fifty bucks.

Who says only the divorce lawyers make off like bandits?

#30words30days #yard

Lloyd polled the prospective jurors: “Number Three, favourite colour?”

“Yellow.”

Lloyd: “Challenge for cause.”

Judge: “What’s the cause?”

Lloyd: “This one’s crazy.”

Judge: “Counsel!”

Juror: “Naw, he’s right. See ya.”

#30words30days #yellow

“We’re not getting the yield we need.” That public statement caused the gold mine’s stock price to plunge.

My wife was annoyed. “Next time, buy a dog.”

“Apparently I did.”

#30words30days #yield

“There’s a risk of thunderstorm,” the starter warned.

“It’s okay,” I said. “I have a two-iron. I’ll hold it over my head.”

“What?”

“Not even God can hit a two-iron.”

#30words30days #risk

“Old man Walton’s sermons could raise the dead,” Gladys chirped to Wilma about the former rugger star.

Wilma put away her glasses. “Aye, bawls like a bull.”

“Oh ‘as he?”

#30words30days #raise

“You look like seven days of rain.”

“You would too, Dad, if your team took a weekly drubbing.”

“Yes, seven days without a win makes one weak.”

“Stuff it, Dad.”

#30words30days #rain

Ms Cranston put him on the timeout stool. “Reflect on your behaviour.”

Johnny had blown out the candles on Suzie’s cake.

“Should I have left one lit?” he shouted out.

#30words30days #reflect

I feel exposed.

“Drew rules the roost,” Jayne said, as Drew flipped the burgers at the PTA bbq.

Sarah spilled a lemonade. “Who’s he belong to?”

“Amy. Kindergarten.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

#30words30days #roost

Another scorcher

Zor took the census: “Only six of the initial landing group remain.”

“Where’d they go?” Kai asked.

“Most went back.”

“We made it that nice for them.”

“Or maybe not.”

#30words30days #remain

scales in front of an abstract background

TAS responds to the Civil Rules Review Working Group’s latest consultation on the proposals to overhaul Ontario’s Rules of Civil Procedure & civil justice system. Read TAS’s submission here: buff.ly/jmpEQvA

Warren snickered: “If I said ‘you are an ASS,’ the accent would be on the sentence’s object. But if I said YOU were an ass. The accent? That’s on you.”

#30words30days #object

[sound of applause, and pawns shuffling two spaces]

Because he’d traveled the farthest to the tournament, Chester was allowed to pick his first opponent. He chose the youngest competitor, the speed-chess world champion. It was over very quickly.

#30words30days #opponent

Stan drizzled his finest olive oil. “Do you say tow-mate-ohs or tow-maht-ohs?”, he said mocking his guests. A sprinkle of sea salt. A few sprigs of parsley. “I say perfection.”

#30words30days #olive

Brian barricaded himself in his bedroom.

Dad knocked. “Open sesame.”

“Go. Away.”

Mom, less diplomatic: “If I come in, you’ll be grounded for more than just a day.”

[unlocking sounds]

#30words30days #open

He took an oath to tell the truth. But once he started, with all those people listening to him—finally—he couldn’t stop. ‘wouldn’t hurt to spin a few yarns.

#30words30days #oath

“Order!”

“Sorry,” the late-comer implored, “my wife is about to conceive a baby.”

Reubens stood. “My friend meant to say ‘have’ a baby.”

“Adjournment! Either way, he’d better be there.”

#30words30days #order

“With a twist, Phil.”

“Okay, Owen, but I am cutting you off after this.”

Phil says this every week. Phil lies. So does Owen, which is why he’s not home.

#30words30days #twist

Daniel held the high note as long as he could. His voice trailed off as his father entered the auditorium. Daniel could never again sing “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers.”

#30words30days #trail

Thriving had to mean more than just stepping on the scales everyday. So she put them in the garage, where she spied an old forgotten hula hoop.

“Now you’re talking.”

#30words30days #thrive

“The prompt is tickle,” Chandler announced. His creative writing students fired up their laptops. “And it is forbidden to use any word that rhymes with tickle…

“…now and forever more.”

#30words30days #tickle

Dennis thought they’d time for a little tumble before the service.

“The day of your brother’s wedding? You’re incorrigible!”

“I plight thee my troth?”

“What about station wagon sounds romantic?”

#30words30days #tumble