conburrrrrrr

I just cannot remember the last night I got a solid full night of sleep MEH

just did a v successful 9hr stream, I feel crazy

I stayed up for HOURS trying to figure out how to program one specific thing and I kept having a small breakthrough and then a set back and then a small breakthrough and I’m like “this is why people who do big layers of code probably never sleep” LOLOLOL

also I got my permanent tooth done today and I’m so happy but also WIPED OUT and I need a nap

I’m learning how to code chat commands for my twitch stream but also why the FUCK is it all so COMPLICATED 😩

I’m quietly documenting here that I got the twitch affiliate invite today and I feel proud of myself for it

no no, it’s fine, I’ll lay on the very outside edge 🐈 🤦

HELLO 🐟

no one knows everything & that’s literally just fine 🤗

me counting asterisks

that’s so crazy to me tbh, the man is WILD

👀 👀 👀!!!

I did not get any sleep & I’m so unwell

able to be like completely fine if I’m not on there - but it’s still hard to know that a lot of community sources are not accessible and it’s all just so tiring

I’ve been off a lot of the ones ppl used for so long and I always felt alone bc ppl would just be like “why aren’t you on insta” or “oh yea YOU don’t use tiktok” but now at least I’ve been

I’ve been here for a while and I know I don’t post much but I’m really grateful to know there’s some form of open world social media where I can kinda go to

so real

free hugs today, come collect 🫂

I’m trying to “take care of myself” instead of “push past my needs” but it’s not as FUN okay

Men suck and this guy is just another asshole in a long line of a type that I have already and will continue to meet. I have to make EXTRA efforts to keep myself safe and avoid him. It’s bullshit. Rant over

I just wanted to rant and yell about how annoyed I am. That I’m like, because I went out and engaged and was friendly and polite, that now this has happened. I don’t deserve that, and it’s not going to stop me from interacting with strangers, but it is another reminder to be always be cautious

it’s an imbalance of HIS comfort of being an older man that he can just EXIST however he wants and interact with me only because HE finds ME interesting and will happily blow past any appropriate norms because he’s decided that he would be okay to fuck me. It’s so messed up

I’m annoyed that I feel uncomfortable going outside, I’m annoyed that he has started watching our front door and coming over to watch any time any of the three of us living here are leaving or outside. It’s upsetting, it’s not cool, and

I’m FORTUNATE to feel confident in what to do, but someone else won’t have that and it makes me upset

also I have the ability to reach out to the rental company and say “this contractor did and said this” even though I DOUBT they would do anything and probably would actually warrant in him retaliating possibly but still

Someone else is going to know they don’t feel comfortable and still try to be “polite” and not be “disagreeable” and let him get too close and give him info he shouldn’t have. That is so upsetting to know

I’m frustrated because even though I know I am okay, I feel uncomfortable!! I’m present that I need to be careful and knew that I shouldn’t give him my number! I’ve having warning notices coming from my brain and my intuition and that makes me MAD

I can see the difference between friendly conversation and a man who has decided to hit on me. And beyond hit on me? It’s become like any time he has a second to engage with me, he goes in full steam ahead

Again like cool, I have the ability to see every interaction for what it is, to clock that he’s fully notated my car and has asked me many many personal questions about my daily life, my activities, my schedule, etc