MJ Ireland

I would love for someone to explain to me why the hell my upstairs neighbor is vacuuming at 10:52pm

When you get wrapped into the Peter Thiel cult, you’re very good at using the system against itself and becoming a chameleon.

I’m guys, that probably should have been day one info grabbing back in APRIL! Not in July.

Why do I always give hyvee Chinese a try only to be constantly disappointed?

This is definitely a toilet tweet or truth. He wrote this on the potty

I would have an insanely hard time not being removed from the press pool for being so effing snarky.

I got three but the thunder beat the alerts on waking me up.

Yes of course

Journal prompts that might make you actually journal: the universe sends you a cryptic message via pigeon. What’s the message? Why is it written in glitter pen? What do you think it means?

Guys, bit of advice. Don’t hit on your female Lyft/Uber driver. I’m working. I have zero time to spend with you and why would I want to? Some of you don’t even have a car!

Are you working on your Psych work before bed? Because I am!!!

Greg has big feelings.

Death cult, confirmed

As an Uber driver, sometimes I get very confused on why you would pay me vs finding a friend. I’m not here to help you hall your crap to the u store it or help you pick up tires.

Is it just me or am I the only one who is losing it over the incorrect use of “an”. It’s “a” historically reliable. Does no one proofread their shit anymore?

Oooor you just put holes in the desert. Which is what we did.

Love not having my meds refilled because my gp wants to see me? For what? My annual was in Jan. You saw me then. Nothing is wrong. Are you lonely? Can we text this? Should we have lunch? I can think of a better way to spend my copay.

Didn’t expect this from Scientific American but here we are. (Article from 2020 but everything still relevant including COVID precautions)

The advantage of this is unless marshal law is enacted, they can’t do shit and the police in some cities can only do crowd control. Fight back

Happy Birthday! My car decided it needed to have my tire fixed so I’m mad I missed it!!!

I was a petty white Karen today. Listen, Panera, don’t give me a survey if you don’t want me to get pissy that the girl at the drive through said my last name wrong after I gave it to her correctly. There’s no O in my last name

Now I know what I want on a desk plate.,

Patrol vehicle marked “FLIPPIN POLICE.”

gosh dang it to heck! it’s the

Guys. I really need to go do my job but he’s so cute!!! How am I supposed to go work and not stare at him all night?!?!?

Heard someone at the dog park talking about her college assignment who was not a teenager say, “I used AI & my instructor called me out on it. Gave me a second chance to rewrite it. I just changed a few things”

I would have just failed you, babe.

I have a feeling that’s why my google fiber’s been out all day

Yes, I also fed the feral kitties that came to my door at 1 am because I’m cool like that.

Guys. I’m up way too late and have no gummies.