Matthew Williams

Open mic comedians will post “Tonight’s Office” and it’ll be this

Jeremy Corbyn: Keir Starmer says there's no money - I don't believe him The government cites 'difficult choices' when they are harming the most vulnerable, but increasing defence spending is apparently easy.

Why is it that "tough choices" are always about harming the poor and disabled, and never about making the very wealthiest pay their fair share?

metro.co.uk/2025/03/05/j...

Give it them back !

Bigfoot says “Eat the Rich”.

A Cold War ?
Surely not during Global Warming !?

RIP Gene Hackman.
You would’ve loved factor and their nutritious fully prepared meals sent directly to your door. You can pick from their wide range including keto and vegan friendly.
Just pop them in the microwave and eat.
Get 20% off your first order with the code RIPHACKMAN

Checking my privilege @xsmalarkey.com

Eraserhead (Dir. David Lynch, 1977)

Uncle @standnewcastle
#standupcomedy
#comedy
#standup
#fyp

An extra 6 seconds of dong being hung.

Every night before I go to sleep I wonder how Conner O’Malley got away with doing that vine.

When I die I’m opting for burial over cremation. Incase I change my mind.

Your dad’s new girlfriend.

I found out recently that Papa John’s Papa points are only available to use for a limited time. Which is brutal because that was my pension plan.

Martyrs (2008, Dir. Pascal Laugier)

I bombed so hard at tonight’s gig I’m on trial at The Hague war tribunal.

What the jar of gherkins in the fridge sees at 2am

I’m so horny i could eat out a horse 😩

He’s a 480p boi in 1080p world.

David Lynch was a sanctuary for weirdos and freaks.
He made the mundane mysterious and dreamlike.
He made dreams make sense.
The world got a little less weird today.
May his memory be a blessing.

If I was in the film The Exorcist I just simply would not have gone in her bedroom.
That’s where all the scary things happen.
Infact I would move out, it’s her house now.

Every time I see someone use AI images to dunk on Trump or Elon

Walking the length of Clark’s to make sure your new shoes fit right.

RIP Jimmy Carter
You would’ve loved FUM and its wide variety of flavoured nicotine free air.
Get 20% off your first order with code RIPCARTER

Nosferatu (2024, Dir R Eggers)

I saw a guy wearing an Earth Crisis t shirt. He couldn’t even name three tofu recipes. Poser.

Ladies 😎

Your 30s is just quitting all the habits you picked up in your 20s that made life bearable.

"So you'd rather have the Tories?"

I think it's pretty obvious from everything I post that I DON'T want that but Labour is going harder against trans people than the last Tory government, so, jot that down.