Olga

Point Break walked so Fast and the Furious could run.

People are only worried about themselves. So much freedom in that.

More than one person (many more) have told me they are in love with me but treat me like i’m awful. Read all about love and then come back. I can’t anymore and I won’t anymore. Being single is kind of rad.

People have accused me of always being the victim but i sure apologize a lot for a victim. I think I’m actually just always confused.

Being neurodivergent and cute is its own hell. I don’t want to talk to you but i’m also awful because i don’t, because you want access to me and you’re mad about it. Then I’m imtimidating because I’m quiet and then i talk too much. I don’t even want to win anymore.

I think all people are more in love with being seen then anything else. Witnessed. Understood. That’s the feeling I see people chase.

I'm not so good at capitalism. I am good at being very silly.

I am super cringe. Earnest. Silly. I try things I’m bad at. I sing and put it on the internet. I write poetry. God, I love these things about me. I’m so fucking free.

I’m not mad at anybody. I don’t hate anyone. Who has the time? There’s so much cool shit to actually do.

My new year’s resolution was to stop over explaining myself. Stop attachments. To anything. If it doesn’t align, it just doesn’t. I’ve been my most authentic self and I’m just happier. I don’t need or want anything and I walk through the world so much more at peace. It’s also more fun. Really.

this is like drake and kendrick lamar but they're both drake

I'm just glad one of these men has the nuclear codes and the other has all our personal data.

let me be clear
I accept the silence,
the severing,
the way your absence has rearranged my days.
but I will never
carry your rewrite.
I won’t cradle the fiction
where I became the villain
in your escape story.
I was the truth
you couldn’t sit beside.

but you ran.
not away from pain
but straight into someone else's arms
and called it clarity.
you made me
the storm.
the mistake.
the reason.

sometimes
I wonder if you don’t see me
because you’re ashamed
not of my face,
but your own reflection in it.
it’s not avoidance
it’s reckoning
you can’t stomach.
the hurt
so sharp,
so sidestepped
a clean break you could’ve prevented
if you’d chosen courage
instead of comfort.

I used to call this love
and chase it down alleys
let it undo me in doorways
name it destiny
swallow it whole

but this time
no collapse,
no claiming.
just the bloom
of being lit
from within

you were the match
but the fire was mine
and I do not need
to hold you
to stay warm

A Year Later

June carries color like a kiln
I didn’t ask for the heat,
but it shaped me.
This glaze, now fired,
burns bright.

Memories stay
cool to the touch.
The heat is late this year.
Fitting.

I am changed
on a molecular level.
I’ll never be the same.
And somehow,
I’m grateful.

Kicked off celebrating pride by having a threesome with a couple and ignoring the man.

But here’s the uncomfortable truth: you’ve built a tolerance for being hurt more than being cherished. So when kindness or affection shows up, it feels foreign, even suspicious. Setting intentions for breaking this cycle.

“Summer,” I whisper to the universe.
The only thing that can save me
is the sunshine.
Not a savior
a witness.
To the soft undoing.
To the way I bloom and burn.
Music.
Passion.
Sunshine.
Sunshine.
Sunshine.

Went on a second date with somebody. We went to breakfast, did a hike, climbed rocks, explored a used book store, went down a slide with cardboard and then went roller skating. He said he felt like a kid again and had the best time. Stick with me and you'll get your inner child fed baby.

I was telling a friend about a guy I went on a date with and she was super surprised I dated men at all. Proud of myself for this.

I lasted two weeks on tinder this time. A new record. It was awful.

I think the type of men that are the most into me are karaoke DJs.

Sometimes I feel like a bridge to people from who they are to who they want to be.

I wrote my third song ever. I’m so proud of it and my brother is going to help me record it this week. Excited to create more.

Honestly, needing nothing, wanting nothing is the only way to peace. Things will come to me if meant to. The things that haven’t just aren’t for me and that doesn’t make me less. I’m brave as hell.

I feel like I learned a language that nobody else speaks now.

Happy and sad. Very spring. Very changing of the seasons. Very new beginnings.

So all my cosmic luck is going to change according to an astrologer on Tik Tok.