Sobbin' Williams

goddamnit, i'm falling apart.

Absolutely stoked to take an L again.

Three packages stolen from the front steps in one week. Like, fuck man, can't we just steal from corporate owned stores like we used to?

Back in 2013 I had a roommate who thought The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug was called "Destruction of Smudge" and I haven't really stopped thinking about that.

The eggs on the sandwich tasted like farts and sulphur tho. Can't win em all, and my tummy hurts.

Didn't expect to work 9am Friday until 5am Saturday, but here I am. If you have any questions tried Wendy's breakfast potato wedges, you're missing out.

Bro they played Marcy Playground. Go take some GHB in TKE you fucking frat-ass lookin' ass.

Some bonerkill asshole played The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald at Dusty's at 937pm on a Friday night. If you want to be a sad sack of shit, do it at home like a respectable adult.

Crank 3: The power button on my phone broke today, so if the battery dies, it'll be a brick that I can't turn on.

My mom and I took a little trip to NYC and she really wants to see the 9/11 Memorial and she keeps saying “I can’t wait to do 9/11”

All I want for Twistmas is you mah brrr ra da mmba eeenba brrr rat da nnda enda boo rata teek um blura brrrr ra duck ba dingo ba bitty ah ta freeta beeta ooh ra subuh dee ma ooh rrrr reema ya me maraha suh bit ra da eemah a hin ta boo ra da eee wazizza ooh ra suh ma heen na neena renaha oo hoo #korn

Hot dogs, bro.

Wait the cute drummer/clean vox is gone!?

They broke up because the one guy wouldn't wear a tank or a deep v

every state south of the mason-dixon should be forced to end their name in y. Alabamy. Nebrasky. Louisiany. You get the idea. Mississippy included.

Terrified for my upcoming birthday, that's gonna be a bummer

Lol straight up forgot about the whole "Drake likes teenagers" thing until after posting that

Somehow Drake & J. Cole on the same track is the most white teenager coded thing I've ever heard.

Can't imagine there's gonna be a lotta love for daphne loves derby lol

Buddy Guy definitely has the sickest name ever. Whoever gave him that nickname: Thank you.

On a scale of one to idfuckingkillmyself

Didn't even really get the syllables right on this my dude

Today was also pay day, so I won't get reimbursed for two weeks 🎉

I worked 45 hours this week and then had to host an event for the same company for an additional 4 hours tonight and when it was all finally over, I ran the company card to close the tab, it was declined and I had to put it on my personal card.

fwiw I wasn't making suicide jokes, I was just talking to a close friend about my depression and he interrupted a private conversation and then swung the convo into calling me a pussy? I don't get it, but we shouldn't be listening to a guy who gets 86d anyways, huh?

Tonight a dude told me to stop "making jokes" about suicide and then immediately started calling me a pussy because I said Burzum was for nazis. He was unwilling to tell me what bands he played in, so here's your friendly reminder that there's A SHIT TON OF TERRIBLE PEOPLE OUT THERE.

I'm getting chicken tenders at raising canes and Reel Big Fish's "Sell Out" is playing and this feels really demeaning.

Honestly I think the grossest thing about Bartles & Jaymes Blue Hawaiian is that Jaymes is spelled with a 'Y'

The cool thing about social media is being able to see a bunch of really bad takes on the Israel-Palestine conflict from morons you grew up with.

You're crushing it on this format the last few days. That steps one killed me.