Bikkit

a painting of Sif from Dark Souls, a good pup

Sif - watercolour and acryla gouache

me every time i take molly

There is no way I can debate or object to this without proving the point 😭

The original Far Side Cow Tools Cartoon by Gary Larson. A cow stands on its hind legs behind a table, staring blankly at the viewer from behind its heavy brow ridge. On the table are four crudely made tools: a lump, a lump with an offset crooked handle, a long stick with hooked prongs at the end, and a crude handsaw with irregular teeth. In the background a barn sits on a hill. Caption reads, "Cow tools."

43 years ago today, readers the world over opened their newspapers and gazed upon cow tools for the first time. happy birthday cow tools. you look great.

Awoooooo!!

Let's touch boss

this looks like counter strike

Occam's razor. It really was the simplest explanation.

I'm not scared anymore, I don't need to be scared. It is a known thing. I know it can be managed and worked through.

There will be tangible things I need to do to actively address this, but already, I feel a weight lifted. A confusion and despair eased.

I feel foolish. I feel regretful for the impact of all this - to myself and those around me.
But it's time to mend. Regret alone isn't what repairs things.

It's been so simple all this time.

We don't just stop having these histories, this conditioning. I'm not above the body and brain I have lived in for this long. I carry this with me.

I used to accept it about myself. It used to be more hopeless, but this time it can be more optimistic.

I've been mentally running up against a wall trying to figure this out, trying to make it fit some other explanation - in the process, fighting wars with figments in my head.

It's all been because of this shame that I hadn't changed enough - that I was better and now I'm worse again.

The stupidly simple truth:

I am already a person predisposed to intense depression and anxiety. Now is the worst time to deny this about myself.

I simply wanted to have gotten "better" and for this to be gone. I've been agonising about what's so wrong, and failing to actually accept this.

I think I have developed a sense of shame and self-expectation that has blinded me to what should have been so clear to me.
I have been delving into some of the biggest life-changing things this year and continue to do so.
These have been such turbulent times of intense change and intense experience

Okami

awoo

I've only played like 4-5 hours but already there are many little bug friends I would kill/die for

Silksong seems to be a progressive string of me going "oh sick!" and "god dammit" often in rapid succession

Finally finished the hollow knight playthrough and started silksong tonight

I can tell this is gonna be Big and Tough and Worth The Wait

Drawing if a tired puppy with the caption; "This too shall pass but like wtf"

Bruh

Late night post because this makes me happy and I just feel like I gotta get out there lmao

2022 vs 2025

The dress used to be a tight fit, now it's quite loose and probably needs taking in

Sometimes you need the clear points of comparison to see the changes. It's been nice to be reminded of this

And it's nice to think that it's gonna keep changing too

a digital drawing of Venom Snake, Revolver Ocelot, Kazuhira Miller, and Huey Emmerich drawn to look like Hank Hill, Jeff Boomhauer, Dale Gribble, and Bill Dauterive, respectively

Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain (2021)

Something I never, ever thought we'd own...

I am for sure a woman but it feels like that isn't always the bit I should focus on so intently. It's a lot of pressure to put on yourself when things are such a work in progress

I gotta just be bikkit. The rest will fall into place if I'm just myself.

I have No Idea if this makes sense to most people, but woven into my identity, I feel like a Creature Thing That Exists a lot of the time - and maybe that's ok enough by itself

Maybe being Thing is a comfortable space to be in right now. It's nice to be a living animal thing

And part of it might be that I'm not giving enough airtime in my head to the "it" part of "she/it"
It's a thing I've procrastinated on really thinking about properly. But it feels a lot like now is the time to be comfortable in that self-understanding. It could provide some relief and respite tbh

Like, maybe this is a moment in life where I can afford to put down the expectation of myself that I totally understand my gender and how to execute it, and be ok with it being an ongoing project

Part of it might be that I'm not giving myself space to grow into it

I feel that maybe this is a scenario where I need to reset my focus.

Like, maybe if I stop thinking about it so much, this stuff might just come to me organically. Maybe I don't really need to fixate on how much of a woman I am (or appear to be) and I should focus on being *me*, all the parts of me

I think a big part of my gender wobbles lately have been like... mixed signals I guess. Having success and failure, but being unsure what exactly makes the difference

I realise I'm letting a lot of my sense of internal authenticity be influenced - policed, even - by people outside of me

TFW u open BlueSky and a bunch of ppl are vaguely posting about the same shit