ceej

There should be an update for RDR2 where you can hunt and kill the characters from HBO’s The Gilded Age

I cannot believe I have something for this

I’m in my braunschweiger era

cheese and crackers is so goated. humanity snapped when we invented cheese and crackers

my loathsome servants seem unhappy with their allotment of crumbs and keep sprouting visible thought bubbles of me trussed up like a glistening ham

I assume this particular anti-social behavior exists primarily online because calling someone’s child a “fuck trophy” in public is a sure-fire way to get punched in the mouth

I’m hungry now and that’s great. I’m gonna be hungry again later too

people who say not to grocery shop hungry just want to keep all the snacks for themselves

good luck!

twice as hot, half as large

yeah that’s right

if you want to know what I look like picture two jens lekmans

looked up the indie musician all my friends said was my celebrity doppelgänger when I was twenty years old to see how time has diverged our features only to discover he’s gone exactly as bald as me

I’ll probably duck out at 10pm to stand over my daughter’s crib with a big net

FRIEND: Are you excited for the show tonight?
ME: (remembering how if a parent has any fun before their child turns eighteen “Bad Parenting Particles” float up from hell and attach to the baby, permanently decreasing their chances of living a happy, productive life) Kind of

some asshole bought me tickets to a concert tonight

The Human Porch

WIFE: Come on, nobody is going to remember that a transfer student pooped their pants, once, junior year. Reunions are fun. We should go!
ME: (Later, running out of Elephant High) I fucking told you

probably not china doll

Mamet

gunblade

yeah these are great

might finally finish death stranding

squall is so cool

lol did you catch a block for this

magic act kinda got ruined for me cause i saw dude's lovely assistant outside smoking before the show and she was already cut in half

goo looking?? this guy’s going mutant!!

well, we were going to drop off the cure to this remote outpost, but it doesn’t look like they have much of a web presence…

I get it

I’m a ally