Negotiating? We're gonna get treated like a piñatas full of cash. The insurance companies are gonna beat us until all the cash falls out. Then charge us for the stick.

Truth never offends.

This is the future liberals want.

And if you don't have it by the end of law school, practicing law will exacerbate the darkness.

It's the ICU, so the odds of that being a real eyeball are...?

Real ones force their neighbors to listen to Monster Mash year-round.

It's like watching a building made with crisco and gonorrhea rot at the foundation.

Never. The Bluesky Cultural Heritage Protection Office would recover you.

"What," I ask bluntly, "THE FUCK?"

There's a website for this...

www.covermesongs.com

I maintain "Se7en" is a feel-good movie.

Imma start a "compliment Morty on the daily" movement. For funsies.

Learn to take a compliment!

A small black and white chihuahua looking concerned.

My dog woke me up to inform me that I was not petting her. And that error needed to be corrected immediately.

What's the Kitty's name? (Please be Bob, please be Bob...🤞)

Why does it feel like there's a queue forming?

Because that's the amount of time given to complete 32 sit-ups. One per minute.

But you've thought about it, yes?

It's sounds like you're under-fucking-appreciated.

You should know better than to ask.

Anything I say is gonna get me on a watch list.

Have you checked your scalp for a "666" birthmark?

The rants are educational.

My local PD let a woman detox to death on the floor of a jail cell. Even after she told them she had done a "fuckton" of cocaine and heroin. When you're a cop, indifference is the norm, and any behavior you don't understand is "drugs." People need to be helped, not chucked into a hole.

You make it sound like a defect. It's not.

Bust them out? Or remove them from the chest of some fool who disrespected you?

Or accidentally stepping in surprise wetness.

You're as cool as tulips in a winter snow.