Generation Excellent

They laughed at us for playing “Oregon Trail,” but who’s laughing now?

This is the most accurate description of a mosh pit I've ever heard.

Why has Guy Smiley not been cast as a real game show host yet? I would absolutely tune into Jeopardy every day if this yellow dude was running the show.

I still remember my first bazooka.

No helmets, no phones, just bad perms, rented skates, and a cassette tape mix of bangers. Was there any more perfect bliss than a skating rink in the 80s?

Our first escape room was a Hamburger Jail behind a McDonald’s.

This is when we peaked as a civilization.

I remember when our country cared about science.

If you didn’t grow up with a brother, this is pretty much what it’s like. Your best friend, your worst enemy, and your chiropractor’s retirement plan.

My VCR did more felonies than most hedge funds.

I dunno what the hell's in this catalog, but it's weird and pissed off.

This bathroom has absorbed more pee than a Chuck E. Cheese ball pit.

As kids, we drank from the hose and dreamed of going pro. The pros drank from a ladle.

"I am altering the Blue Light Special. Pray I don't alter it any further."

Catch of the day: a buzz.

Remember in 1993 when Coca-Cola tried to market to Gen Xers with OK soda? We never tried it, because "Gen X ennui" isn't our favorite cola flavor. Anybody here taste this stuff? Was it full of slackery goodness?

The US Treasury minted the very last penny today. RIP to the Columbia House business model and every Gen Xer’s first taste of debt.

“The Raiders of old were vicious and crazy and cruel. Hanging around their locker room was like hanging around the weight room at Folsom Prison." - Hunter S. Thompson

Happy Veterans' Day to everyone who served. Thank you for your keeping us safe, and for the razzle dazzle. That’s the fact, Jack.

How a dad becomes a legend.

Somewhere in a parallel universe, a shirtless 80s dad with grass-stained New Balance sneakers is doing laps around a cul-de-sac, vaporizing dandelions to "Don’t Stop Believin’."

Refuse the meatloaf and the Wonka Protocol activates. You get nothing.

I miss old school curated schadenfreude.

Honestly, most of these are an improvement.

This kiss between Jennifer Grey and Mia Sara while filming "Ferris Bueller’s Day Off" wasn't in the movie. But if it was... wow. It would have launched a thousand rewinds, and probably jump-started my puberty.

A big problem with adulthood is nobody wants to do a Chinese fire drill anymore.

This Sesame Street cartoon still lives rent free in my head. It's the reason I repeat "Loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter" during every grocery store visit, like a mantra.

Before “self-care,” there was Sears on a Saturday with Mom.

In 1983, Steve Audish was a local breakdance legend. Decades later, now in his 50s, he tried to reprise the routine. It went... as well as could be expected.

The older we get, the more black clothes we own, and not the cool kind. We made a Gen-X field guide to showing up, saying the right thing, and offering comfort without making it weird. Subscribe today for this and more in our free weekly newsletter. generationxcellent.beehiiv.com/subscribe