Sharkey 🦈

The only thing keeping me from getting vegan powers is "vegan cheese." That shit is a fuckin travesty. Call it something else.

Sorry, nobody gets to have sports until everyone gets they shit together. And no more chess. Chess is over.

I'm an ally except I think all sports should be banned.

My brother was in one of those back in the day as like Redneck #2 that gets splattered into a tree right before the credits.

gonna sell that shit in a bottle shaped like an N64 controller

feeling nostalgic for the time when nostalgia was a victorian mental illness

you can take this guy from me

I feel stretched. Thin. Like too little mayo spread over too much schoolgirls.

Would have whipped our asses even harder if they thought we were just a mile away until they found all our shoes on the riverbank and called in search and rescue. Instead of getting a collect call from three counties away like "yeah we fucked up and need a ride back."

If only we had this in the 80s when we were all like fuck yeah let's be huck finn and built a damn raft we rode all the way to the coast.

I dunno man I just work here.

"Fleeble now pins the search bar to your dick."

"Got it!"

"Blumpo will kill you and it will hurt the whole time it is killing you."

"Thanks!"

every time I launch something now there's a popup like "Flooble now contains Smartfarts" and there's only one button that's just "okay"

He's into it in all of these but nine is where you'd usually tap out and ten is life changing and you should probably try it at least once.

Type one: excellent for rabbits (harvest moon, liero, DooM 2)

I'm like an eight on the pain scale where you're actually just really into it.

Resurrecting Divine so this shit can finally end with everyone involved tarred, feathered, and shot in the head for first-degree stupidity and assholeism.

Screenshot from Highlander. A dripped out Sean Connery is lecturing a particularly bedraggled looking Christopher Lambert.

All like "Ah, I shee you've had your firsht meltdown. Get up, today we're gonna cover shpecial intereshts and hyperfocush. En garde!"

Relieved when the grandnieces/nephews hit normal developmental milestones instead of reading fucking encyclopedias at two or something. Otherwise I'd have to move back to teach them. Like Connery in Highlander, except instead of immortal rules and swordfighting it's just autism. And swordfighting.

Just having my tea and looked out the window and Fury was chasing a goddamn horse across the desert. Little asshole is gonna get his head stove in.

I did, and I think I mentioned Infiniminer in one before that even. I should see if I can find mirrors of those, it was basically a backdoor indie games column before that was a real beat.

There are a lot of reasons I wish 1up was still around, but not least of them is that the last game I reviewed on there was Minecraft. It was one of maybe three games I ever gave an A+ and I got So Much Shit for it. I'd just like to hit those comments fifteen years later like SUCK A DICK DUMBSHITS

"The last man on earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door."

bro stop playing Minecraft on peaceful it's not good for you

Yeah they just soak used napkins in that shit and fry it.

Eh, they're fine if you don't piss em off, and that takes a lot. ngl they're creepy as shit tho. at least I don't have to worry about anyone stealing my catalytic converter.