Ukrainian Ministry of Accidental Russian Fires in Exile

⚡️EXCLUSIVE⚡️
⚡️BREAKING⚡️

In retaliation to the China retaliatory tariffs, Trump closes White House China Room, orders staff to break dishes and use paper plates.

t.co/qVNU1i0eVH

nobody does it like SNL does it!
kudos to the writers!
kudos to the cast!

⚡️UPDATE⚡️

Your new tariff schedule will be calculated according to the widely accepted formula among the social media experts:

Tariff = [posts read - posts posted] /
[consonants * verbs * number of cashews]

TLDR: i like it just fine

For MAGA, English lesson numbero dos:

Before anyone starts clutching his pearls, two things:
- no, it cannot be seen in the photos, but such is its nature
&
- here's Monty Python teaching both, a) the value of not being seen AND, b) smegma, in one of my favorite skits

t.co/FDAoXJddUr

UMARF Public Service:
Teaching #MAGA English Vocabulary:

Today's word is smegma

Ukrainian Ministry of Accidental Russian Fires hereby announces Tax Liberation Day for the following people:

Mrs. UMARF - 25% - retaliatory
Son of UMARF -50% - backdated
Followers - 100% - it's about time you fuckers pay
Blockers - 25% bonus payment to unblock

Liberals will win majority of the Wisconsin Supreme Court, CNN projects | CNN Politics Democratic-backed candidate Susan Crawford will win Wisconsin’s Supreme Court race, CNN projects, maintaining the liberal majority on the court in a key battleground state less than three months into ...

TLDR: CNN now projects elon musk to return to destroying $TSLA & Twitter full time.

www.cnn.com/2025/04/01/p...

💫🇷🇺: The More You Know💫

Great news from Moskvabad where "a legendary 🇷🇺hockey player, 5X national champion, Igor Dorofeyev has been arrested for public masturbation at the 🇷🇺National Children's Library"

Traditional 🇷🇺 Sport:
news.ru/moskva/legen...
pic.x.com/KBr8xGhl0S

💫🇷🇺: The More You Know💫

For example, did you even know that 🇷🇺 is about to create its Official Dictionary of Traditional Values?
'tis true:
tass.ru/politika/234...
This will be a long-running 🧵
Exhibit 1: Traditional 🇷🇺 Dance:

Elon Musk's Tesla reportedly halts Cybertruck deliveries as owners complain of metal sides falling off It comes amid numerous instances of build quality issues with the Cybertruck and marks the latest problem plaguing the once promising vehicle.

TLDR: Elon Musk claims Cybertruck is still alt right.

fortune.com/2025/03/14/e...

⚡️BREAKING⚡️

Moskvabad team fails to qualify for the 🇷🇺 Darwin Award Finals

Lukashenko offers trump rare earth minerals

Resolute Desk!

Resolute Fucking Desk!

get these fuckers deported, the whole lot of them

that's the LEAST of it, imho.

⚡️EXCLUSIVE⚡️
⚡UNCONFIRMED⚡️

UMARF Sources: NATO Secretary General Mark Rutte invites Kanye West and Elon Musk to the 81 D-Day Celebration to present the case for the other side.

& nobody there had the foresight or planning to consider basic human needs in the shelter itself. i mean, a port-a-potty...nah...no need!

TLDR: everything 🇷🇺touches turns to shit

Great news from Voronezh where entrances to concrete bomb shelters have been boarded up by authorities because they were being used as toilets.

t.co/3TixtJqpZZ

stole this from Liam Nissan on twitter

any shy #fellas,
you can use this as an icebreaker at parties.

a printout is good for a free admission for one to a #NAFO sex tunnel (if that's still a thing; nobody tells gramps anything)

tyvm ‪@vylistalo.bsky.social‬ for pinging me on this

thank you, my friend!
it's a great find.

@swegringo.bsky.social @umarf.bsky.social

Champagne Supernova! 🍾🇬🇪🥂🎉
bsky.app/profile/anna... 🚌
Via @annagvarish.bsky.social

Photo: local citizens and commuters alike overjoyed at another successful resolution of a crisis by the vigilant ̷S̷h̷i̷t̷t̷y̷ City Procecutor's Office

⚡️Great News⚡️

"Formal investigation of by the Partizansk ̷S̷h̷i̷t̷t̷y̷ City Prosecutor has determined the reason for the shitbumps™️ was a sewage pipe burst that led to all sorts of shit surfacing"⬇️
t.co/jmk5jc5evN

⚡️UPDATE⚡️
Partizansk city prosecutor's office has launched a formal investigation & organized inspections into the formation of shit ice and ruts, following an incident where a bus on route could not pass the day before.
primamedia.ru/news/1954621/?

'This is not the first time that transport has gotten stuck in these shit hummocks, & the administration has not solved the problem,' confirms local alert resident Maxim, who also got stuck in an icy turd rut in his personal car."

Thoughts & prayers it all melts soon & there's a shitty runoff

by an eyewitness shows the passenger bus trapped in the frozen sewage. Local residents [those ingrates!] are expressing dissatisfaction with the fact that the city administration is not taking any measures to eliminate the consequences of the sewer burst.⬇️

appeared, due to which passengers and local drivers cannot leave the city on their business.
A recent incident involving a public transport bus that got stuck in these icy potholes has caused disruption to the city's already less than ideal public transport. Video footage taken⬇️