Angelically Demonic

Today has been a very good day

What are the odds that my first match on a dating website would be to a mental health nurse?

Can't make this up 🤣

And what a dick he was

I crave real. I crave lasting. I know life is filled with temporary moments, but I want more. I want to wake up each morning feeling full. Full of love, breath, hope. And go to bed each night feeling safe, held, at peace.

I crave real. I crave lasting.

It's messed up, isn't it? I've been friends with the one that got away for 20 years. He just lives in Australia.

It's been about a year since we last spoke, so just a coincidence. Still a mean one though.

Life is really taunting me right now.
They say one door closes and another opens.
Spent the week waiting for one ex to acknowledge I exist but the second I got the self respect to tell him to fuck off, "the one that got away" 20 years ago messages me.
Cant have him either. 🖕

I know exactly what you mean. It's like our life just ended with a diagnosis.

But yours definitely didn't. You are alive and kicking!

Needed that confirmation right now

Happy birthday! 🎊❤️

It can take a while to find the right therapist. It's okay to revert for now but dont give up.

I’m not here to fix you. I’m here to hold space for the parts no one else sees. 🖤

My vision board from tonight's support group.

I've done the family and career crap it didn't end well for me. So Im working on relationships in my future.

Manifesting new friendships and someone who actually loves me because I am worth loving.

let go of the past
those things
that broke you
that has a controlling grip
accept that they happened
take from each
what they were
good, bad, amazing, sad
reflect, grow
remember it all
take the pieces
that filled you with joy
that created a type of misery
let them be part of you
become a new, you

He lied
He cheated
He manipulated
He abandoned me when I needed him most

What did I do?
I held him accountable for his behaviour and had the audacity to expect him to be there for me when I needed him.

But of course, I'm the bad guy because he is crying your shoulder now.

A picture speaks 1000 words but actions not matching words is manipulation.
Silent treatment is manipulation.
Refusing to take accountability is gaslighting.

It is most definitely time for me to move on

If you're trying to pretend that you dont see me, your friend blocking me has dobbed you in it. 🤣🤣🤣

You've obviously told them what a bitch I am if they've blocked me without ever speaking a word to me.

So keeping the tree up to honour our love is just pure manipulation.

You're making this easy

Last day of September.
Early morning - Couldn't sleep&had to put my oodie on it was so cold
Lunchtime - sunbathing in the garden in just a bra and joggers
Late afternoon - freezing cold after home gym session so hoodie and joggers
Evening walk - going to need my body warmer at this rate

It takes the piss. I have just seen a woman in a bikini classed as adult content, too. A bikini. Not bra and pants. A swimming costume which you can wear in public.

🎶You were the one that I wasn't supposed to lose.
I thought I'd have you for a lifetime 🎶

I've been told anger is just the part of you that knows you dont deserve the pain.

After months of social services, ups and downs, and wondering if I would ever be stable enough to be her mum again.

My daughter is finally coming home!

And for this weekend, at least, I have all 3 of my girls under one roof. I'm not letting my dogs diagnosis bring me down. I'm cherishing this.

I don't need someone to save me. I need someone to let me fall apart and hold all my pieces, till I am ready to put them back together.

The last time I spoke to my ex
I was broken. I begged him to get on a train & to save me.
He got really upset coz he didn't want to get a babysitter & screamed at me "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?" Then he had a panic attack.
I will never forget ME helping HIM breathe WHEN I WANTED TO DIE.

You're the one who said I love you first
But in the end I'm the one who got hurt
You chased me and caught me
And tore down my walls
I fought you but told you
All of my flaws
I adored all of yours
You abhorred all of mine
And now I am left
With your scream on my mind

You can stop saying all the right things now. 🫠

Well, we clearly have different plans.

Still should have been sit.... cum.

I saw "come sit." And thought - in that order?