When we lack an intimate connection to ourselves, we search for connection in others. We find others to give us what we believe we don’t have and cannot give ourselves. You are responsible for your feelings of connection. This is your spiritual work.

There is understanding the self and then understanding r impact on the world. As we do this there is a space between the “me” and “we” that is called MWE. The indigenous concept of community is the only way we survive and that is why it is constantly being attacked with division.

Those who weren’t shown kindness in childhood continue in fight flight in adulthood making each interaction repeat their childhood dynamic. Your healing can help support the healing of others around you.

The cruelty is the point, so the mistakes or misfortune of others becomes fodder for those who are suffering. What they crave is compassion. They desire someone to acknowledge and validate their suffering, which explains the attempts to steal it from marginalized groups.

Their survival is none of your business. You don’t have to be the hero that heals them- you can’t. You don’t have to feel bad they have no one, because their behavior created that reality. You just have to be present and compassionate this includes understanding what they can and can’t do for you.

The price of avoiding the pain of childhood is that you don’t get to understand fully how the system works so you can see your role in it and how to get out of it.

Trauma bonds create abusive attachments to people. Our loyalty to them, stems from the loyalty we had to caretakers not to love us, but to take care of us. When you can love that child, they will feel free to go.

We are built to survive, but we cannot do it alone. “Let’s change the way we live, change the way we eat and change the way we treat each other. We have to start making changes. Tupac.

Bio or chosen Family doesn’t mean loyalty at any cost. We are social creatures which means we don’t survive without each other, but we also don’t survive around others who abuse us. Our sacrifice doesn’t make them better. It teaches them that abuse should be tolerated.

Showing up for your life is the first step, but too many people use their childhood as an excuse. The hero’s journey is that you win despite your childhood and history. Not, because of it.

Your critical voice can make it hard to see what you are capable of. Using a compassionate voice to understand the fear of the critical voice is the best practice to do something you want to do. #mentalhealth

Indecision, is a tell of someone who has been manipulated. They don’t know themselves well enough to make decisions. U can’t trust who u don’t know. Because manipulators r familiar (trauma bond), they are trustworthy. We heal this by building a relationship with ourselves which is founded on trust.

We grow up believing we heal when we explain ourselves to the person who hurt us. But that person cannot hear the suffering of anyone else until their own pain and suffering is heard. Your job is to listen to your suffering and care about it more than you care about your abuser’s apology.

People pleasing is a skill that young children learn so they can calm the unpredictable behavior of a caretaker and feel safe while ensuring a connection. It is not love, but a child’s way of surviving the anxiety of abandonment by the caretaker.

Children from authoritative households learn to obey. This keeps them from acting on behavior that would get them in trouble with their caretaker. Getting in trouble means separation from the caregiver. This is why they learn to think like their caretaker instead of critically -individually.

We become who we hang around because we can see something in others we want to be or already are. Therefore we can trust situations that we find ourselves in to teach us about ourselves not just others.

We have normalized, the parent is always right and their desire for control over us is part of how we are raised properly. As children, we don’t imagine that you can weaponize what a bad influence is. Parents are guides: learning who their children are. Child lead not parent lead.

is much harder to get out of choice automation or indecision when we don’t understand why we make the choice. Repeated dismissal, control of your choices makes indecision and eventual silence the answer. “I don’t care, you choose.” It’s a long healing journey to know your desires matter.

“When I am this, then I will be good enough” has never made anyone feel good enough. It has just perpetuated a cycle of achieve, temporary relief of shame then achieve again -cycle. It is a cycle of never feeling good enough no matter what you have. External validation is never the answer.

A consequence of coercive control is adults that have the world view of children. They have trouble seeing how difficult or complex the world and relationships can be. So they stay childlike to avoid any hard things.

The universe does not survive without diversity. The evolution of plants, humans, science, or technology. You name it, the inability to change and biochemically mature leaves us in a vulnerable state of not being able to adapt. Without that flexibility, we perish.

Who we edify is a sign of our moral compass. We are wired for connection because this is how we survive. So connection with genocide at its root feels like a connection based on shame rather than enlightenment.

I teach emotional awareness because it helps calm our own nuero systems that pick up on threats around us. When we can self-soothe with compassion and kindness we heal, but we are also resilient. #mentalhealth

Self-actualization is possible when we are allowed to understand our past as a cohesive story so we have compassion for what we went through, but know ourselves well. Knowing who we are allows us to define ourselves in a loving and meaningful way. Not, judgement and criticism which causes shame.

Despite investigative questions being who, what, when or why, they can be weaponized with tone to attack. “What did you do that for?!” Tone can change this, but so can using how did or a help me understand or say more. It becomes about the person and why they do what they do.

Not all victims get help. Some have a loyalty to the abuser from normalizing abuse. They can’t see the abuse if they are to survive it. Shaming them makes it worse so try compassionate validating. Then they can start to see they are worthy of more. But it is not your job to heal them. It is theirs.

Anyone who attempts to restrict your self-actualization becomes a colonizer. For many of us, our caretakers become the first exposure to changing our behavior to get approval or fit in. We crave belonging so much this feels like the only way to survive. The cost of this survival is tremendous.

The fear and denial people have about talking or understanding their past, causes them to repeat those events/fears. The denial to know sets them up for repeated abuse worsening their life’s circumstances.

The courage to have a connection with your inner world creates clarity when someone’s inner chaos is being dumped on you. It is only with awareness you understand how your environment affects you and develop the skill set to prevent that from happening.

We have been coerced into fearing rejection from society over connection to our children’s authentic self. We now think parenting is controlling the outcome of who they become instead of being curious and wondering who they are. Social media was never as much a worry as our opinion of our children.