Malgorzatangle

If you're going to wash your jacket, make sure there's no emergency Splenda left in the pockets.

Me, about to wear the boots that completely destroyed my ankle last week again: surely they wouldn't cut up my ankles twice

Later, also me, with bleeding ankles: *shocked Pikachu face*

You can save a lot of money on groceries by subsisting only on bread and free office food.

Me, to my cat: alright, you can have more food but you're the one that's going to explain why you're fat to the vet.

Panic! In the Stairwell of Your Office Building.

There's too much panic to be had to save it for the disco.

I dropped a 14 pound cat on my face today. I'm kind of surprised it took this long tbh.

I have to water the plants AGAIN? It never ends with these guys.

I can't resist putting my whole face on a soft cat belly. Some day my face will be torn off when I do it to the wrong cat. I know this, and yet I continue.

it’s 11:30 pm time for the cat to knock everything off the table and open all the cupboards because it’s hunting time and i’m going to bed

headache exchange program where you can give your headache to someone who wants to get out of plans

does anyone want to steal my identity? I don't want it anymore

Me to my computer: don't you dare, you put that blue screen away right now

A slightly blurry close up photo of a wide eyed Siberian cat face

Last thing you see before you die

It’s fun starting a new hobby with ADHD because I never know if I’ve found a new lifelong passion or if I’m going to spend $2000 on stuff and immediately lose all interest

See also: asking them to repeat themselves then suddenly hearing/comprehending the first thing they said and interrupting them thirty seconds later.

Cashier: Have a nice day.

Me: (screaming, crying, throwing up) you too.

My cat is eating a wooden cutting board because he's only been fed six times today.

I had to put my cat in time out because he was trying to stick his paw in an electrical outlet.

No one told me having a cat would be so much like having a permanent toddler.

I saw this post, added six lines of code to something, and created 16 errors in the process.

If a cat wants something all it has to do is stand in the middle of a room and start meowing loudly and someone will actually come by and try to figure out what it wants. It is unfair I cannot do this

I was just accidentally standing on the cat for like ten minutes and he didn't say anything?? I feel awful. He's too polite for this kind of treatment.

Look, I KNOW I can "survive this" because I "have survived hard things before", but I didn't want to then and I don't want to now and I'd like to stop wasting energy pretending like I do.

I have learned nothing and have lost my work twice in half an hour.

Computers know when you haven't saved your work in a while and will absolutely use that against you.

sometimes you have to take an adderall and drink 3 cups of coffee and round out the day with an energy drink

I think you're missing a 0. I've bought 160 springs and still run out sometimes.

it's been a rough week so i thought i'd rotate a gyro for everyone. as a treat