Shitpost Malone

Call me a vape the way I’d be getting sucked on rn if I wasn’t so dead

Me seeing a dog bark at his reflection: oh that’s cute, he thinks it’s another dog

Me hearing my voice in a recording: who the fuck is that

I bet an unfinished task hate to see me not coming

starting to think it’s not Jesus who keeps giving me these hardest battles 🤔

Guys, I’ll have to explain later but do NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES give a mouse a cookie

Something about seeing RFK Jr. makes me want beef jerky

Gooning is to masturbation as making love is to having sex

THEY don’t want you to think for yourself
THEY don’t want you to FIND Waldo
THEY are HIDING Carmen Sandiego

THEY want you complacent
THEY want you to “twist it” and “pull it” and “bop-it”
THEY want you to do what “Simon” ordains

damn girl, you fine as hell 🥵

you got a substack??

Me on the company Slack channel when everyone starts telling me my memes are “inappropriate” and “morally reprehensible”

I ain’t transphobic but MtF is the worst part of week

The Republican Party is a big tent.

Y’know. Like the circus. So there’s room for all the clowns.

jokes on you Vivek, I grew up watching Smart Guy

this is a dril tweet

If you choke a man out, and he loses consciousness, and you CONTINUE to keep choking him, you are intentionally killing him.

This shouldn’t be controversial.

It’s the equivalent of smothering someone in their sleep.

Bad times ahead 😔

But in real life

I can’t listen to a single word that comes out of RFK’s mouth

Not because I disagree with him

But because my AI noise cancelling software recognizes his voice as “someone sawing wood”

cant talk nw in court 4 a🧂and 🔋

It’s really fucked up that George Soros and Klaus Schwab are conspiring to pay all the women in my area to ignore me

Country?

You mean emo-horsegirl-core?

“I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE”

*continues to take it*

I like the detail of the tribal tat

you guys don’t understand, Elon Musk won’t be able to take humanity to Mars as long as DnD is woke

Watch out everybody, Ms. Money Bags over here and her leadless pipes and uncontaminated water supply.

But you don’t understand. These people who donated more to Trump’s campaign than they’ve ever given through philanthropy realize the importance of the lower class now. It suddenly clicked.

Did you get the founder edition? It’s not out of closed beta yet

Crazy that the Trump/Corruption Venn Diagram is just a circle

Honestly, I’m a huge fan of curating my own feed.

My Japanese Teacher: “Your progress is really good, it shows you’ve been practicing.

But you need to stop referring to yourself as the Dragon of Dojima”