swearclock ⌚︎

I Walked In On Your Mum Vacuuming Yesterday And She Sucked Me Off. Good Old Henry, Got A Face Full It's 8:00PM

Sell My Pubes To Cash Converters For A Ps1 Game It's 7:00PM

Give Your Folks A Golden Shower For Their Golden Wedding Anniversary It's 6:00PM

Shit On A Crumpet It's 5:00PM

Beef Curtains It's 4:00PM

Do Not Ask For Whom The Bell Tolls Because No Cunt Talks Like That Anymore, You Pretentious Twat. It's 3:00PM

Ordering Tempura But It's All Deep-Fried Cocks It's 2:00PM

Push A Remembrance Poppy Up Your Dick Hole It's 1:00PM

Piss So Hard You Shit Yourself It's 12:00PM

Use My Tits As A Cum Shelf It's 11:00AM

Things Are Looking Up! Oh, No They're Not, Floppy Cock Syndrome It's.... It's 10:00AM

Turn Your Bollocks Into Scotch Eggs And Ask Gregg Wallace To Munch Them It's 9:00AM

Tickle The Queen's Racist Old Minge With A Foot Guard's Bearskin Hat It's 8:00AM

Put Yourself On "Busy" On Microsoft Teams At Work And Go For A Quick Five-Knuckle Shuffle Because It's 7:00AM

Peg Me Till I Prolapse It's 6:00AM

Garland My Fuckstump With Fresh Daisies It's 5:00AM

A Rough Colonoscopy With No Sedation! It's 4:00AM

Signing Up To Mr. Blobby's Onlyfans And Cracking One Out It's 3:00AM

I Paid A Quid For These Underpants And I've Got About 50 Pence Worth Stuck Up Me Arse It's 2:00AM

Get A Cold, Brutal, Lubeless Handjob From Everybody In Prisoner Cell Block H It's 1:00AM

Stick My Balls Up Your Ass It's 12:00AM

Sir Kier Starmer's Doing Bonnie Langford At Forensic Pmqs It's 11:00PM

Quick, Robin, To The Wank Cave! It's 10:00PM

Staple My Scrotum To My Bellend It's 9:00PM

Crusty Jugglers It's 8:00PM

Steaming Dog's Eggs It's 7:00PM

Boris Johnson's Hairy Bollocks It's 6:00PM

Fuckalicious - To The Tune Of Fergalicious - It's 5:00PM

Tick, Tick, Bastards! It's 4:00PM

Diplomatically Stick Your John Thomas In A Decapitated Pig's Mouth It's 3:00PM