@andybeau.bsky.social
Librarian | dog-lover | choccy milk connoisseur | staunchly anti-Trump | nerd (and a whole host of other things)
Erin asked me to please stop singing "Wonderwall." I said...
..."Maaaaaybeee."🧱 #YoureGonnaBeTheOne #AndysPuns
Erin and I had a Russian Uber driver over the weekend, and his name was...
...Pikup Andropov. 🚕 #HailComrade #AndysPuns
Does anyone know why geese fly south for the winter? It's...
...faster than walking. 🪿 #DuckDuck #AndysPuns
Just found out you don’t need actual training to become a garbage collector. You just sort of…
…pick it up as you go along. 🗑️ #Trash #AndysPuns
If you give someone a smile in America, does that mean in Europe you need to give them a...
...skilometer? 🙂 #SmilesPerHour #AndysPuns
Did you know that there were actually 102 Dalmatians? The other one was…
…never spotted. 🐶 #ISeeSpots #AndysPuns
My mom says she changes her passwords from time to time. I should probably tell her that they're the...
...same words. 🕰️ #IsOnMySide #AndysPuns
I only ever recall mom taking my temperature, but I suppose that's 'cause there's no such thing as a...
...therdadeter. 🌡️ #HotBlooded #AndysPuns
I accidentally superglued my thumb and forefinger together. Don't worry. I'll be...
...okay. 👌 #OkayIsh #AndysPuns
Woke up this morning and found the bed covered in stir-fry. I must have been...
...sleep wokking again. 🥘 #inthemiddleofthenight #AndysPuns
So far, no one at work has noticed that I'm putting extra toppings on my waffles. I've been doing it...
...syruptitiously. 🧇 #HereWeComeAWaffling #AndysPuns
A library patron submitted a reference question asking how many skunks does it take to make a stink? I said,...
..."Just a phew." 🦨 #ItStinks #AndysPuns
I got a gym membership on January 2nd, and I still haven't seen any progress. I think I'll...
...go there tomorrow and complain! 💪🏻 #FitnessWholePizzaInMyMouth #AndysPuns
Woke up to a guy playing saxophone in the freshly fallen snow. They must be fans of...
...cool jazz, too. ❄️🎷 #ColdAsIce #AndysPuns
It was so cold last night, and Erin traumatically ripped the blankets off me. I'm fine though...
...I recovered. 🥶 #IceCold #AndysPuns
Discovered a YouTuber who is also a werewolf. Their name is...
...Lycan Subscribe. 🐺 #BarkatthePun #AndysPuns
Want a more powerful water gun? Fill it up with a strong liquor, then you'll have a...
...shot gun. 🥃🔫 #PutOnYourRedDress #AndysPuns
Next time I show up for a duel, I'm only bringing a pencil and some paper. Just imagine the look on my opponent's face when...
...draw my weapon. ✏️ #SunsOutPunsOut #AndysPuns
My buddy works in I, and I asked him, "How do you make a motherboard?" He just said, "I tell her about...
...my job." 💾 #TechJobs #AndysPuns
Did you know that Julius Caesar, the Roman General and statesman, never said "thank you" in his entire life? Not once. To be fair, he didn't speak...
...English. 🗣️ #WeHaveNoKing #AndysPuns
My dad always told me, "Don't be so quick to find faults." He was a good man, but a terrible...
...geologist. ⛰️ #RockSolid #AndysPuns
As construction projects go, digging foundations is boring. Fastening two pieces of metal together? Absolutely...
...riveting! 🚧 #StopHumorTime #AndysPuns
Thinking about becoming a hero named “Aluminum Man.” Kinda like Iron Man, except I just…
…foil villains’ plans. 🤘 #iamironman #AndysPuns
Apparently if you buy a cabbage from Kohl’s, you are legally obligated to also buy carrots and mayonnaise. That’s Kohl’s…
…law. 🥬 #MyCabbages #AndysPuns
One (of many) problems you have as a dice goblin is that when a friend shows you their new set of dice, you immediately convince yourself you need a new set.
Will I actually get a new set soon? Most likely. Goblins gonna Goblin.
🎲 👺 #DungeonsandDragons #DiceGoblin
If you dip your funny bone in boiling water, does it become a…
…laughing stock? 🦴 #Humerus #AndysPuns
Saw a police cruiser with a beaver cuffed up in the back seat, and I thought they must have some pretty....
...damming evidence against him. 🚓 #BrushaBrushaBrusha #AndysPuns
If your dad takes your temperature, does he use a...
...therdadeter? 🤒#SickPuns #AndysPuns
If I don't move my pen, does it become...
...stationary? 🖋️ #SoItIsWritten #AndysPuns
Saw a magician driving down the street, but then he…
…turned into a driveway. 🪄 #PunavraKedavra #DadJokes
