Jared Young

i just know that i wish i could do lots of chemicals to make me be something else. everything makes me feel worse tho. nothing is better.

but right now, between what is happening in the country, what has been happening in my job, chorus, my life… it’s all fucking awful and i’m struggling just to get from one day to the next. i am trying to put on a good face, and the social pressure is killing me. no one even knows or gets it.

i do these performances and enjoy them, and tolerate recorded shows, but seeing my face after i made an effort not to be on camera was really upsetting. because i’m not feeling any part of this show, even tho geoff and i have spent a lot of effort to write it, and i hope it’s good.

i have zero control over this shit and these people- even asking not to be filmed gets me a sour look- as if the request is unreasonable. the last thing that i want to see, by surprise, in a public video, is my own fucking face. i fucking hate my face, got it? I don’t want to see it.

Later in the same clip, i was shown, full face, making sone stupid head nod, no audio reason. just a flash of me doing that. it felt very much like a “fuck you for covering your face, so we did this”. i despise trying to do something i enjoy and having to deal with a fucking camera in my face.

they’re doing this thing for the chorus and, at one point, they were filming in rehearsal. i held up my ipad in front of my face because i didn’t want to be in it when one of the people recording was focusing in on two others. i was behind them. in the posted video this moment was clearly visible.

my level of anxiety has grown to some really crazy levels at the moment… i feel like i don’t have any sort of mental peace right now and im finding myself digging in and burying myself in unhealthy habits. it’s not good. i’m just constantly feeling anger and fear and unhappiness, isolation.

same

i love him so much

it’s weird having a pittsburgh trip.. started at 7am… drive here… and we’re already heading back to columbus. lunch was good tho. got out of the data center. so much to recycle.

shit.
328… how have i let this happen to me?

Thank you @kiwimark1969.bsky.social !

fuck tim cook

i love so much in my life, but i am always challenged to just love myself and live in my skin , as i need to.
Still, i’m grateful for so many things that bring me comfort and happiness.

meme: two books left book: THE LORD OF THE RINGS TRILOGY right book (much fatter and split into blue and red, red is far longer than blue): THE LORD OF THE RINGS TRILOGY IF MERRY & PIPPIN HAD A GUN red: defeating Sauron blue: taking the gun away from Merry and Pippin

i'm sorry for posting facts:

cross-faaaaaade

mmmmmmmmm

yup… i lost my goddamn mind lol

One of the worst parts of my brain is the part that gets stressed out because i have plans for a nice dinner and a show … and it just fills me with anxiety just for existing as plans rather than anticipation and excitement.

so, i put together the concepts, story arc, and act 1 and 2 summaries for the chorus Christmas show… i kinda love it but i’m living in the terror that they won’t. it’s not even sad ,and actually really cute and funny… i’m hoping they like and i don’t have to rethink.

recover soon, hon <3

oh no Loren! hope you can recover quickly. i’m so sorry

absolutely fucked, because of course we are. this is the kind of shit i expected from this monstrous administration and his fucking flock of enablers.

i guess i can smile when i sing

shows are this weekend.

time to burn my stress from the day and drink some bourbon

tonight i sat outside, found three praying mantises, started a fire, sat outside with my boyfriend , had some bourbon, watched the rain… it was nice. like… really nice

office happy hour

i loved Giovanni’s Room but i think i need to do The Prophets soon. thank you for the idea

is there a bisexual cis female or lesbian equivalent of a twink/twunk?

asking for a friend.

i said hi to you the other night in persons but… hi!

just because it’s queer doesn’t make it positive.