@natalierj.bsky.social
Consultant Clinical Psychologist and Writer
“Looks like I’m doing it another year,” Santa sighed. “No luck appointing a #successor. Youngsters can’t even stay awake for an interview!”
“You put something in their #hotchocolate again, didn’t you?” said Mrs Claus.
Santa shrugged & poured a sherry. “No idea what you mean…” #vss365 #vsschristmas
“We’re under the #mistletoe,” Emma whispered to her married boss. “It doesn’t count.”
The mistletoe nudged their lips together.
Then their colleagues walked in - and it morphed into holly.
Now it wasn’t cute. It was just #illicit.
Exactly as the mistletoe wanted… #vss365 #vsschristmas
The bookshop #bewitched me. A cat sat by a mini replica of the shop, & I read the tale of the #Yulecat who eats people if no-one buys a book.
A man left empty-handed. The cat ate a figurine.
The owner gestured outside. “Hope those folk buy one.”
A giant cat licked the glass. #vss365 #vsschristmas
When Dan left Mel, her mates provided #consolation in the form of “Ex on the Shelf” - an #Elf with Dan’s photo stuck on, placed in ever-more compromising positions on her lawn.
Dan turned up on Xmas Eve.
“Don’t you DARE!” hissed the Elf, its voice muffled beneath a Trump toy. #vss365 #vsschristmas
My son dazzles beneath the spotlight in his angel Gabriel outfit. He takes a deep breath & begins his #soliloquy, eyes wide with #wonder.
I run onto the stage & grab his hand. “Alex, you’re 45 years old! Sit back down & let the children do their nativity!” #vss365 #vsschristmas
Santa’s suit is #fire- scorched. But it’s the #magenta lipstick smear that catches Mrs Claus’ eye.
Not her shade.
Not even close.
She clicks her fingers. Rudolph’s antlers glint like blades.
“One more delivery,” she says. “Make it short & sharp.”
He snorts & paws the snow.
#vss365 #vsschristmas
“When will I meet my dream man?” Liz sighed.
The radio crackled. “#Snow is fallin” sang Shakin’ Stevens. It had to be an #augury! He’d come at Xmas.
The door creaked open on Xmas Eve..
He was the man of her dreams alright. But not *those* dreams. The other ones.
The nightmares. #vss365 #vsschristmas
What to buy his fiancée?
Too #chic for anything cliché
Always in the latest fashion
But lacking warmth or true compassion
Something cuddly might be nice
To thaw & melt her heart of ice
And so he gets her 2 cute kittens
& hopes they won’t end up as #mittens… #vss365 #vsschristmas
My workmates insisted I attend the office Xmas #party even after I warned them about my #vespertine self.
By day I’m HR-approved.
But after 6, with free booze, my true form emerges.
Brutally honest.
By 9pm I’ve insulted everyone.
Good job I’m also a werewolf... #vss365 #vsschristmas
Mel’s new boyfriend was perfect in so many ways. Kind & #chivalrous, he brought round a #christmastree, put it up & decorated it, complete with an abundance of thoughtful gifts arranged beneath it.
Mel sighed. “This is lovely, Dave. But… it’s June.” #vss365 #vsschristmas
“Carol singers!” The little old lady claps with delight.
“Come in for some #aphotic #gingerbread, my pretties!” she says.
“What’s that?”
The lights go out as we step inside.
“It tastes better in the dark,” she whispers, & a tongue slithers down my face.
#vss365 #vsschristmas
The children were #excited to see Elf On The Shelf again.
Their Mum, not so much. The Elf’s arrival last year had heralded the end of her relationship. By Xmas Eve, her partner had gone.
She eyed the Elf warily.
“He was too #suave anyway,” it said, smoothing its felt hair. #vss365 #vsschristmas
Thank you!
30.11.2025 22:11 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
It’s the #last day of November & I’m playing ‘Last Christmas’ & cursing myself for not untangling the lights last year before boxing them up.
But wait. I *did.* I remember doing it!
The angel snickers.
“Right. You can stay in the box,” I say.
I wake up on top of the tree. Ouch. #vss365
I try to focus on the things that really #matter: family, friends, health. But still I refresh my inbox every 5 minutes.
When the ‘no’ finally comes, I cry.
But the spider outside is already busily spinning a new web.
I wipe my eyes and pick up my pen again. #vss365
My friends passed me another shot.
“I can’t. Too much alcohol’s bad for my mental elf.”
“You mean mental #health,” they laughed.
I shook my head, pretended to drink, & tipped it into my bag for the little guy.
He caused mayhem that night.
“I did warn you,” I said as the police carted us off. #vss365
“Annie, tell your mum what you did to Billy,” said the teacher.
“He was mean to me!” said Annie, “so I beat him up til he could hardly walk,” she said.
“Sorry, it won’t happen again,” said her mum. “She’s still #learning.” She smiled. “Next time that kid won’t walk away.” #vss365
Before mum died she gave me her mirror.
“It’s magic,” she said. “When you look into it, you’ll see my #reflection.”
It’s comforting, seeing her still. But it does mean I look just like her.
Maybe this would’ve happened anyway.
Although now my son looks just like her too… #vss365
He #timed himself running the same route each day. I warned him he’d only be tracking his own demise.
Sure enough, with age, the minutes stretched. Until one day, he didn’t return at all.
He *claimed* he was just sick of my nagging. But he sounded out of breath to me… #vss365
She kept dropping strange comments into the conversation.
“The kettle’s broken.”
“I saw a blue car today.”
“The apples were bruised.”
He tutted. “Such nonsense.”
But it was #relevant.
It was the code we’d agreed on.
She needed help.
“I’ll fetch the knife,” I whispered. #vss365
As we waded through the fog, I said, “What a good metaphor for life. Not focusing on distant goals, but taking small, #achievable steps.”
I turned to him, but he’d gone.
“You’re welcome,” whispered the fog. And a world of new options opened up before me, as yet unseen. #vss365
“Of course, there comes a point where my work is done, & progress is no longer even #measurable,” she says in my 12th session.
“How do you know when that’s happened?” I ask.
But she can’t hear me. Can’t even see me anymore.
The next client sits down, squashing me flat. #vss365
“I’m here with a Pacific porpoise,” said the man.
The volunteers at the animal rescue centre gasped.
“I think you mean #specific purpose,” said Liz, ex-English teacher.
Ex-Sup’t Carol frowned. “What else is he hiding in that tank?”
Dan, ex-Conservationist, sighed. “That’s clearly a dolphin.” #vss365
She couldn’t start anything without hearing it.
Lights.
Camera.
But real life has no director, so she just drifted for years.
Until he came along & whispered: “ #Action.”
She burst into life. Bright, loud, vivacious…
…And kind of annoying.
“Cut,” he said, eventually. #vss365
The farmer opened the forbidden forest that Christmas.
Crowds marched in, sizing up the Christmas tree #options.
“See any you like?” said the farmer.
The trees pointed to a tall man. “That one!”
“Ok,” said the farmer, & hoisted him over his shoulder. “They wanted a real one this year.” #vss365
His mum’s muffled voice is calling him for dinner.
He lifts the headset. No poster on the wall. Oh! He must be in a virtual #reality game within a virtual reality game!
After shooting an incoming enemy, he reaches for the real headset. There isn’t one.
Is that his poster… on the floor? #vss365
“And #goal!” She raised her arms and jumped into the air. “Did you see that?” She pointed at the open manhole.
“I did,” her friend replied, “Now do you think you could quit horsing around and help me get rid of rest of him?” She gestured at the remaining pieces of her dismembered husband. #vss365
“The trouble with relentless pursuit of goals,” said the therapist, “is you’re never happy. They keep moving.”
“So I should be goal-less?” I say.
“Not exactly. Just sit with how it feels to be exactly where you are now.”
Despair & rage rise in my chest.
I run towards the nearest #goal. #vss365
😢👏👏👏
16.11.2025 17:10 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0All through childhood, Jeff saved and scrimped to buy every #issue of Superman. He squirreled them away in protective covers in his parents’ attic.
“We’re moving. Claim anything you want by the 20th.”
He showed up late on the 22nd to an empty attic and sobbed. #vss365
