Karla Kapow

A good Jeopardy category would be Pirate Jokes. Ken would say for instance, “George Arrrr Arrrr Martin,” and someone would buzz in and ask, “Who is a pirate’s favorite author?”

Can’t help but notice GOP leadership was not raptured

Real talk: How close are we to just declaring people witches?

Everyone remember to fly your false flags at half-mast this week

Successful community depends on taking care of each other. At some point we figured out that as soft, juicy creatures with small teeth, odds of survival were greater working together than when we pushed each other in front of oncoming sabertooths, and we were right. I hope we will not forget this.

NFL team names are way long. From now on, let’s abbreviate them like so:
The Dalboys
The Phigles
The Tampaneers
The LArgers
The Clowns
etc.

Kudos to Count Von Count, teaching young children numbers 1-10 for years while himself having only 8 fingers.

If the rumors are true, the future of MAGA belongs to whomever pulls off the best and fastest Weekend at Bernie’s act.

I opened the fridge and a pineapple tumbled out at me, and I coined my new favorite word on the spot. “PINEAPPLELANCHE!” Now I’m sad at the thought I may never have another valid opportunity to use my new word. It’s been a real rollercoaster over here.

Fall semester 2025: 4 out of every 2 cars on campus is a Waymo. The kids are going to forget how to drive the way they’ve forgotten how to write in cursive or make change

America’s final weather report will be delivered by the last remaining U.S.-trained meteorologist from an undisclosed location paid for by George Clooney, trying desperately to convince anyone still listening that the eclipse is NOT in fact a monster trying to eat the moon.

Wii Sports Tennis, but the racket is a bug zapper, it’s summer, and you’re outside in Texas at dusk. So also kinda like Space Invaders.

Watching Platonic season 1. How much more fun life must be when one has the ability to render realistic dongs in oil paint!

Betcha didn’t know loofahs grow on trees

After the zombie apocalypse, will they even bother having Ren Faires?

7 Seconds is more than just a band I listened to sometimes in high school. It’s also the perfect amount of time to to slightly soften butter in the microwave.

And then I assume he bit the head off a blueberry muffin

In the 90s, Ozzy visired bookstore where I worked. He goes to cafe, orders a pastry, my friend waits on him.
 
Friend: Would you like it heated?
Ozzy: WUT??
Friend: WOULD. YOU. LIKE. IT. THE. PASTRY. HEATED.?
Ozzy: OF COURSE I'm going to eat it, what, do you think I'm going to shove it up me ass?!

I have an idea for a news site plug-in.

Records of the Travis County Poor Farm In a series of posts, we will be highlighting some of Travis County’s lesser known records and the unique information they contain. Travis County Poor Farm Record: 1890-1900 (1 volume).

A brief history of the Travis County Poor Farm, Austin, Texas, 1879-1936. First located near present-day Spicewood Springs and Mopac, later relocated to Tarrytown.

Happy July Fourth, on which we celebrate the day a bunch of immigrants kicked a king out of the United States.

If any U.S. election was truly stolen, it was the 1990 Oscar for Best Picture that didn’t go to the only film that year that deserved it: Rockula

To a firework, your body is sentient gelatin. Nothing more. Nothing less. Remember that and use fireworks safely this July 4th.

Downloadable PDF files to print your own bilingual Know Your Rights cards in multiple languages.