Dave Stone

Nobody anywhere near him. Every pub has one.

Somewhere in Sheffield a tramp is waking up without his baseball cap.

OMD are wool. And proud.

What about vomit in a bed pan?

Jesus wept. Looks horrific

Someone’s missing their morphine.

Maybe they want you to do the catering. House will be cleared within ten minutes and they can count the money.

On my dog walk I often chat with right wingers. I pretend I am an ex-Reform voter put off by the utter fuck up of our county council. Then they see me as one of their own, don't get defensive and shouty, and start to question their own opinion of Reform. Honey, not vinegar.

Heard it in this voice.

Guess the cost of living crisis is over. I’ve heard millions exploded tonight.

I’m nearby. I’ve never heard anything like tonight. Like a continuous rumble since 5pm. Like living in the Somme

Fingers crossed 🤞🏻

Up late thinking about child labour.

They’re always angry in the morning because maccies don’t sell chips until 11.

Hats fine. The target of my derision is the Knowsley Flump wearing it.

Look forward to Everton spawning their way out of relegation then

Fuck that mate. Keep out.

Pick another team and support them. Footie slag

Sorry if it tastes too bitter
I cook potatoes up my shitter

That’s how @brianwoolfinder.bsky.social cooks his roasties

The BBC are accidentally running the subtitles to Mrs Marple over the Mercury Prize, and it’s rather wonderful. A few of lines could plausibly have been written by Jarvis.

I am. I lap up metaphors like on old fella laps up his peas.

Metaphors are wool.

When do you find gilet sleeves in trees?

The shopping:

You're the richest man in the world . You can literally wipe out poverty for millions of families , you could help fund research into childhood disease or dementia .

What do you do?

Fund Tommy Robinson's legal bills.

What a legacy.