Gareth Ceredig

Yes, One Battle After Another is outrageously good, but half a point off for missing out the best bit of the book.

When you're not sure how to spell "soup"

Concerto for Your Grandparents and Orchestra

SECRETARY
Sir? I have Maurice Baron on Line 1.

1920s MUSIC PUBLISHER
[from behind a mountain of cocaine]
Has he finished his new piece?

SECRETARY
Yes, but he says he's not sure about the title, which is--

1920s MUSIC PUBLISHER
Sure, great, whatever, tell him it's f***ing perfect, just print it.

Daily Telegraph lunch breaks traditionally last 6 hours, including 2 intervals.

THE DAILY TELEGRAPH:
Waaah! The BBC is dumbing down classical music! Waaah! Radio 3 told me to relax and now I'm Jeremy Corbyn! Waaah! Shame on the sick BBC for reducing great culture to banal garbage! Waaah!

ALSO THE DAILY TELEGRAPH:

BBC Radio 4 - The Skewer, Series 14, Episode 5: It's Actually Romantic Jon Holmes remixes the news into satirical shapes and sounds.

Delighted to wind back the clock and slip into this week's #TheSkewer. It's like slipping into your favourite uncle. Still the best 15 minutes of noise out there by an absolute sodding mile. Listen and weep. 📻 www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m...

Meanwhile, on Platform 5 at Milton Keynes Central...

Simon Heffer has written his classical music article again.

Get well soon. Or after another 32 episodes, whichever is later.

A quick PSA for anyone who might give a toss:

Atlanta is currently on Prime Video. It's one of the best-written, best-acted, best-directed, funniest and oddest slabs of telly ever made.* Rub it into all your eyes and ears.

*Especially Series 4.**
**Especially especially the Goofy Movie episode.

BBC Radio 4 - Illuminated, Fantasy Park: Fifty Years On The greatest rock concert ever? Bob Harris hears the story.

Coming up on 6 months since we broadcast this beautiful show. Do check it out, and why not check out the Twilight Zone podcast too, where I was interviewed about the production process and the original Fantasy Park www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m...

£50 to any BBC Proms presenter with the balls to announce on-air that a performance was actually:

"bang average" / "a right Horlicks from start to finish" / "no idea - went for a vape and a slash" / "the most offensive noise in the Royal Albert Hall since Oswald Mosley did a tight 10 back in 1934"

The new Northern Ballet conducting fellow arriving for work.

Northern Ballet, having recently ditched their live orchestra, now crowing about offering a "rare opportunity" to conduct a ballet. Must have own Spotify Premium account.

Lullaby of Herdland
Bags' Hoove
The Slurry with the Fringe on Top
In Walked Cud
#CowJazz
#StopThis
#StopThisNow

Cannonball Udderley [turns gun on self]

-Wildly talented, wildly inconsistent.
-Lots of big swings, lots of big misses, but every now and again everything would line up absolutely perfectly and he'd hit it into orbit.
-Occasionally embarrassing, often infuriating, never boring.
-Kept going way longer than anyone expected.

Ooof. I have views about this. Large views. But the genius/rubbish metric should absolutely be a thing, and it should be attached to every composer like cricket stats.

She has, and it's very, very, very, very funny (plus ça sodding change), with a final line that does to the English language what I inadvertently did to a mouthful of gnocchi while reading it.

Neil Hopper.

Are they jousting?

Journa. F***ing. Lism.

Well, there it is. The least accurate thing ever printed in the Daily Telegraph (Home of the Whopper®).

Went to see Trooping the Colour. Looks better on TV. Won't bother next year.

[to the tune of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]

🎵Glasgow Queen Street's Clamped Piano🎵

Luddite says what?

Really enjoyed the new Glyndebourne production of Rod Hull: Resurrection

I'm Adrien Brody, and this is my massive, pointless building.