Eraserhead Baby

Ive gotten up to an hour on the stair stepper at the gym and everyone i talked to at the start of this was like "it gets easier" and I can confidently say: no the fuck it don't okay I have swamp ass, my lips are chapped, I'm dizzy, I got sweat in my eyes, I'm nauseous for like an hour afterward

My beloved

Very stoked that @jamieloftus.bsky.social gives proper love to the LA street hot dog. I'm not biased, I just think that there's nothing on earth that touches the feeling of leaving a punk show at 1 AM and getting a bacon wrapped hot dog with grilled peppers and onions on it from a nice Hispanic lady

Its the 1 year anniversary of food poisoning day, where my ex called me on his way home from work to scream at me that I was evil, ruining his life, and that he hated me. That was when I started sleeping on the couch regularly and telling my parents how miserable I'd secretly been <3

It's weird cause my mom is my bestie now but when I was a kid there was a few years where she was regularly posting on a catholic women's forum on Facebook speculating that I was divine retribution sent me the devil to torment "her family" for past sins

Made the mistake of posting a ham bone beans recipe on tik tok and all the comments are being mean about the amount of ham I used

Thank u, Nessie

Every single year for the last 7 years my best friend sends me the same snapchat memory that's just a photo of my ass. That's true friendship. That's true love.

Sometimes I tell the homies about some of the shit I went through in the last 4 years with my ex and they're like "hey dude I think that was wrong or possibly illegal" and im like ah shit I should've been more chalant

Got concert crud™️ diabolical at Tyler, The Creator's Denver show

Sometimes when I feel self conscious about myself I look at this old picture of my grandpa where we have the same features cause I'm like, damn. I wouldn't change a thing about that guy he's like New Mexican Superman so I can't change anything about me either

There's a viral sound on tik tok that's straight up used to torture people at the SERE school, so I told my dad who went through the torture program and worked there for years that Boots is being used for Godzilla edits and he was like "I dont really understand what's going on in your generation."

I don't wanna go back to Colorado next week I wanna hang out with this dude forever till I die

Lowkey got proposed to

Imagine being truly known and loving and being loved in return what the fuck

Also yesterday I was hanging out with Jake and he handed me a cool pocket knife before he went to get something and I started playing with it the second he left the room and I was like "wait what was that for?" and he was like "you love knives, thought you'd want to play with it while I was gone"

Told my mom about Jake cause I'm going out with him all Sunday (he planned a mystery date) and she was like "youre really just going to go out with some stranger I've never met?" And my brother was like "believe it or not you haven't met like anyone she's met in the last 5 years"

Just found myself going "you're a pink pony girl and you dance at the club" in the Tom Hardy Bane voice and now I want a cure for autism after all

When They Might Be Giants said "The barn that I was raised in was constructed out of noise"... they were so right

Why am I 26 with a secret boyfriend? Well I'm glad you asked it's because even though I love my dad I recognize he's lowkey fucking nuts and doesn't like women so he firmly believes if you get out of a relationship and aren't single for at least equal duration you're a slut and must've cheated

Just walked into the house from seeing my secret boyfriend I have in town and my mom was like "how was Vanessa's" and I was like good thanks for asking and my brother was like "me when my pants are on fire"

Dude who drove 11 hours to see me and I are now in L Word territory. Girlboss Down :(

My brother and I are driving back to Temecula from Colorado and the closer we get to our hometown the stronger the accent is its just like "uh yeah-uh no-uh fer shureeeee, of course-uh we're hitting In-N-Out first thing-uh"
It speaks to us like the Green Goblin mask

If you're one of my internet exclusive friends and you've never heard me speak before, I need to come clean and let you know that I do in fact have a valley girl accent. I sound like female Pauly Shore. Sorry you're finding out like this.

Currently explaining lesbian sex terminology to my brother in order to explain my little pony ship dynamics

Thank you freak gay white boys with fuckass mustaches for making me the man I am today

She hum on my buckers till I pickup

My brother described me to our new friend this weekend as "loud as fuck, mean as hell"

Couldn't bear to part with my OGs

My grandma gave me some little chicken salt and pepper shakers but I already have some so I just filled them with cinnamon and sugar for tea