Noah is trying|non-ed DNI

Gonna attempt to shower tonight (today there was no hot water) and take it easy. I feel so unwell, so out of it since this whole week has been so tough on me... I can only hope by next weekend everything settles down for my anniversary trip

I was clearly miserable all day considering I dissociated for the entire day... And no idk what I've been up to.

Dissociated... Great.

The only good thing that happened this past week was losing a pound.

He got spooked by a ghost, but it feels appropriate for how bad I feel today </3 also I love them too, been playing since release almost

Wow even specifically my w3bk1nz is sad today... Great.

It's not just OCD, the world is genuinely trying to punish me and make me suffer.

Like how many more things can go fucking wrong this week? How much more do I actually need to suffer for the world to prove its point?

Also tmi but I'm covered in fucking sore disgusting awful red pimples down there and it's killing my mood even more. I hope it clears up for my anniversary with my bf, but I guess I'm truly not supposed to do anything I want. It's also gonna rain when there, meaning probably no walk... Cool.

I don't even know what to do. I don't know if I wanna do anything. I wanna hide in my room all day but I can't.

Again my morning started off technically fine until one little thing happened and now I'm entirely miserable.

I didn't need my OCD and CPTSD triggered so early in the morning. What choice do I fucking have though.

I get that the universe wants to punish me, that I'm a shitty person, and I don't deserve nice things. It just chose a particularly cruel and personal way to tell me. I feel so miserable, I don't wanna do anything anymore ever again. Everything keeps getting taken away from me

I can tell people I write, I'm a writer, I've written hundreds of hours of works. But I have literally zero to prove it. The only proof is me saying it. The only proof would be writing hundreds of hours more and not losing it, but I can't. I lose my most prized possessions every time.

I've lost so much writing in my life, it's going to always hurt. I still yearn for the box of writing I left at home when I went to college because "surely mom won't throw away literally any and all signs I exist the second I'm not around". I have no proof I have written anything ever, it's awful

I don't deserve a nice trip, I know that, so I guess the world is trying to remind me that I'm supposed to have nothing, get nothing, and be miserable forever. I'm just so devastated day after day this week, I feel so hollow inside now. Nothing even matters anymore.

I lost a year's worth of writing, and now also months of progress in a game I was playing. I really don't ask for much, not even happiness, so why is the world taking everything from me? Is it because next weekend I have my anniversary trip?

If I can get back to my Jan 1st weight this year, that would be awesome. Almost impossible surely, but it would be cool if I could.

Week 2 : this week was quite a mess, but I lost that weight I gained plus some extra. Now I just gotta keep it up so I can be under 50kg for my anniversary with my bf next Sunday and eat without any worries.

cw : 50.4kg/111.1lbs (19.2)
-0.6kg/1.3lbs

Cw: 50.4kg/111.1lbs (19.2)

Gw (update when passed): 49kg/108lbs (18.7)

a man in a suit and tie is crying in a dark room . ALT: a man in a suit and tie is crying in a dark room .

follow my backup AGAIN pls😭😭

I already didn't sleep I didn't need more bad news. Why should I participate in my hobbies or my own personal healing journey if it just makes everyone upset and uncomfortable and clearly disgusted? I should just give up and be miserable.

I'm really devastated. I spent hours upon hours writing stuff, and now it's all gone because people don't like uncomfortable fiction. Like sorry the world isn't all sunshine and rainbows, at least my fictional characters are fictional... I just am so upset I didn't need this today.

Cool. All my great weird off-putting posts along with the entire blog got deleted. I hate censorship so damn much. Can't say fucking anything anymore it makes me so upset.

Bf called me at 7am and interrupted my sleep early, but I did manage to get a little bit of rest

MOTHERFUCKER GUYS OH MY GOD

"tonight" it's fucking 6am

Hopefully I can get an extra hour or something tonight cuz I really should be sleeping.

I'm not even happy right now, it doesn't feel like my mood is much better. So I really hope that during the emotional shitty time of my month I actually feel good, cuz I do NOT feel good right now...

Anniversary trip with bf is booked now at least, so I had some good news immediately at piss in the morning. Just gotta hope by next week my mood improves and it doesn't just plummet again cuz of my hormones... Cuz right now is supposed to be my "happy time" and when we go I'm supposed to be luteal.