Since the Cubs lost, Chicagoans have nothing left to keep them going except looking out for their neighbors. Doesn't look good for ICE
12.10.2025 03:17 β π 0 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0@mattstorrs.bsky.social
Humor Person / Featured in Newsweek, NPR, PBS / Books Read This Year: 26
Since the Cubs lost, Chicagoans have nothing left to keep them going except looking out for their neighbors. Doesn't look good for ICE
12.10.2025 03:17 β π 0 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0I love this image.
10.10.2025 23:22 β π 29120 π 5115 π¬ 471 π 323If you donβt pay a guy who isnβt tall and who cooks in a restaurant you short a short short order cook.
11.10.2025 02:17 β π 2 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0One good thing about the impending government shutdown is I'll have way more time to restore the sword I found on the street.
30.09.2025 23:44 β π 2 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0What the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City can teach us about different warload leadership styles
27.09.2025 02:20 β π 2 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0Have you ever wanted to see who would win in a fight: Wallace Shawn or Todd Barry? Then the movie Vamps is for you.
27.09.2025 01:21 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0What I love about the movie Vamps is that it feels like a bunch of actors who live in the same Manhattan high-rise all got together to make a movie.
27.09.2025 00:56 β π 3 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0Iβm convinced the βLive in Ohioβ ads from 2022 were a direct result of the bad press created by Meredithβs husband to Ohioβs reputation during The Real Housewives of SLC
22.09.2025 01:45 β π 0 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0Polycules are like multilevel marketing schemes. If I'm invited to join, it means they're about to collapse, and a Netflix documentary is forthcoming.
06.09.2025 19:02 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0The Dremel tool really helped me remove rust from the sword I found on the street
31.08.2025 21:24 β π 2 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0Even Snakes need a good lawyer
Metal Gear Solid Delta: Snake Eater
I will not stand for this Snuggie slander in Alien Earth
27.08.2025 01:34 β π 0 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0A text I just sent:
I wanted to see if you might have a dremel tool or sander that I might be able to borrow to better clean the rusty street sword I found.
Burning the flag is the best way to dispose of it
25.08.2025 21:33 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 1 π 0Oh hey!
Relationshit, my storytelling and onstage therapy show with real therapists is happening this Saturday the 23rd at 5pm at QED in Astoria!
Featuring:
David Lawson
@mattstorrs.bsky.social
@maxfine.bsky.social
Wilson McDermut
AND MORE?!
qedastoria.com/products/rel...
If you could pick 3 movies to make the worst movie marathon what would you choose? Mine are:
1. Highlander 2: The Quickening
2. Pride & Prejudice: A Latter-Day Comedy
3. Megalopolis
What are yours?
My new go-to excuse for being late is βSorry, I was learning close-up magic.β
15.08.2025 17:22 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0With the NFL cracking down on smelling salts, this is an embarrassing time to think poppers and smelling salts are the same thing.
I seriously thought they were doing poppers on the sidelines.
The person that came up with the phrase βit's the thought that countsβ definitely had ADHD.
02.08.2025 02:29 β π 0 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0Some comedians like to do shows on the road. Me, I like to go on the road so long as itβs the same weekend as a craft fair that's within driving distance.
26.07.2025 03:11 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0A lot of you didn't get to have amoxicillin in bubblegum flavor and it shows.
24.07.2025 01:57 β π 0 π 1 π¬ 0 π 0Remember, anyone who tells you that βthere's more than one way to skin a catβ has skinned at LEAST two cats. They are not to be trusted.
23.07.2025 19:38 β π 3 π 1 π¬ 0 π 0The real villain in Gotham is inaccessibility.
We have hundreds of former henchmen with serious lasting injuries.
We need a need more ramps not more Batman lamps!
The best part of Superman was how many men tried to hold the door open for others afterwards.
19.07.2025 01:48 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0If the White House is highlighting how they use ICE to arrest all these immigrants that abused children, maybe we should let ICE handle the Epstein investigation.
17.07.2025 18:27 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0Samson was the original simp
17.07.2025 16:10 β π 0 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0I donβt use dating apps anymore. Instead i scratch the itch trying to final a therapist on Psychology Today. βYou practice chair therapy. Thatβs a red flag.β
16.07.2025 16:33 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0I think it's a crime that streaming services don't offer Comic Sans as a font for the subtitles
16.07.2025 01:37 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0I know I'm having trouble processing my brotherβs death because I've started listening to ska again.
10.07.2025 21:08 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0