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Matt Storrs

@mattstorrs.bsky.social

Humor Person / Featured in Newsweek, NPR, PBS / Books Read This Year: 26

392 Followers  |  194 Following  |  211 Posts  |  Joined: 30.04.2023  |  1.5209

Latest posts by mattstorrs.bsky.social on Bluesky

Since the Cubs lost, Chicagoans have nothing left to keep them going except looking out for their neighbors. Doesn't look good for ICE

12.10.2025 03:17 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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I love this image.

10.10.2025 23:22 β€” πŸ‘ 29120    πŸ” 5115    πŸ’¬ 471    πŸ“Œ 323

If you don’t pay a guy who isn’t tall and who cooks in a restaurant you short a short short order cook.

11.10.2025 02:17 β€” πŸ‘ 2    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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One good thing about the impending government shutdown is I'll have way more time to restore the sword I found on the street.

30.09.2025 23:44 β€” πŸ‘ 2    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
Preview
a woman says let 's do it yassss while standing in a living room ALT: a woman says let 's do it yassss while standing in a living room

What the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City can teach us about different warload leadership styles

27.09.2025 02:20 β€” πŸ‘ 2    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

Have you ever wanted to see who would win in a fight: Wallace Shawn or Todd Barry? Then the movie Vamps is for you.

27.09.2025 01:21 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

What I love about the movie Vamps is that it feels like a bunch of actors who live in the same Manhattan high-rise all got together to make a movie.

27.09.2025 00:56 β€” πŸ‘ 3    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

I’m convinced the β€œLive in Ohio” ads from 2022 were a direct result of the bad press created by Meredith’s husband to Ohio’s reputation during The Real Housewives of SLC

22.09.2025 01:45 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

Polycules are like multilevel marketing schemes. If I'm invited to join, it means they're about to collapse, and a Netflix documentary is forthcoming.

06.09.2025 19:02 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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The Dremel tool really helped me remove rust from the sword I found on the street

31.08.2025 21:24 β€” πŸ‘ 2    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Even Snakes need a good lawyer

Metal Gear Solid Delta: Snake Eater

29.08.2025 22:36 β€” πŸ‘ 2    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

I will not stand for this Snuggie slander in Alien Earth

27.08.2025 01:34 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

A text I just sent:
I wanted to see if you might have a dremel tool or sander that I might be able to borrow to better clean the rusty street sword I found.

26.08.2025 15:08 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
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Burning the flag is the best way to dispose of it

25.08.2025 21:33 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 1    πŸ“Œ 0
Preview
Relationsh*t! Hosted by Lynn Bixenspan and Morgan Pielli, Relationshit features a mix of stories about all kinds of relationships and good old-fashioned new-fangled advice from REAL-LIFE THERAPISTS ONSTAGE.Β Featuri...

Oh hey!

Relationshit, my storytelling and onstage therapy show with real therapists is happening this Saturday the 23rd at 5pm at QED in Astoria!

Featuring:
David Lawson
@mattstorrs.bsky.social
@maxfine.bsky.social
Wilson McDermut

AND MORE?!

qedastoria.com/products/rel...

19.08.2025 20:27 β€” πŸ‘ 6    πŸ” 2    πŸ’¬ 2    πŸ“Œ 0

If you could pick 3 movies to make the worst movie marathon what would you choose? Mine are:
1. Highlander 2: The Quickening
2. Pride & Prejudice: A Latter-Day Comedy
3. Megalopolis

What are yours?

19.08.2025 01:44 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

My new go-to excuse for being late is β€œSorry, I was learning close-up magic.”

15.08.2025 17:22 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

With the NFL cracking down on smelling salts, this is an embarrassing time to think poppers and smelling salts are the same thing.

I seriously thought they were doing poppers on the sidelines.

10.08.2025 02:55 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

The person that came up with the phrase β€œit's the thought that counts” definitely had ADHD.

02.08.2025 02:29 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

Some comedians like to do shows on the road. Me, I like to go on the road so long as it’s the same weekend as a craft fair that's within driving distance.

26.07.2025 03:11 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

A lot of you didn't get to have amoxicillin in bubblegum flavor and it shows.

24.07.2025 01:57 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 1    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

Remember, anyone who tells you that β€œthere's more than one way to skin a cat” has skinned at LEAST two cats. They are not to be trusted.

23.07.2025 19:38 β€” πŸ‘ 3    πŸ” 1    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

The real villain in Gotham is inaccessibility.

We have hundreds of former henchmen with serious lasting injuries.

We need a need more ramps not more Batman lamps!

21.07.2025 12:08 β€” πŸ‘ 2    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

The best part of Superman was how many men tried to hold the door open for others afterwards.

19.07.2025 01:48 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

If the White House is highlighting how they use ICE to arrest all these immigrants that abused children, maybe we should let ICE handle the Epstein investigation.

17.07.2025 18:27 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

Samson was the original simp

17.07.2025 16:10 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

I don’t use dating apps anymore. Instead i scratch the itch trying to final a therapist on Psychology Today. β€œYou practice chair therapy. That’s a red flag.”

16.07.2025 16:33 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

I think it's a crime that streaming services don't offer Comic Sans as a font for the subtitles

16.07.2025 01:37 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

I know I'm having trouble processing my brother’s death because I've started listening to ska again.

10.07.2025 21:08 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

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