Michael Serpe

(Tips orange and blue fedora)

M'ets Starting Lineup

Catholics during Papal Conclave are just like me after I've had too many drinks. We want THE SMOKE

The new Pope is from Chicago? Oh we getting that deep dish Body of Christ now

We got an American Pope before GTA 6

"Diverticulitis? I barely know herticulitis!"

"Mr. Serpe, I'm going to need you to pay attention, this is a very serious diagnosis"

"Yes doctor."

Fun fact: When Catholics in Philadelphia receive Holy Communion, they can choose to have the body of Christ "Wit" onions or "Witout"

Email list for all DOGE employees
Please ReSkeet!

That's why he's the best there is. The best there was. The best there ever will be.

Here are some fun facts:
1) The Department of Education has set up a website where you can report schools for DEI at enddei.ed.gov?fbclid=PAY2x...
2) The form has a 450 word limit.
3) The longest word in the English language is "pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis."

Have fun!

RIP Kingda Ka. We barely knew ye. Because ye were always closed for repairs.

One! Something's wrong with me!
Two! Something's wrong with me!
Three! Something's wrong with me!
Four! Something's wrong with me!

(Singer of Drowning Pool voice)

🎵Let the body keep the score
Let the body keep the score
Let the body keep the score
Let the body keep the...

SCOOOOOORE!!!🎶

Chess Teacher, exasperated: And once again, my Queen has taken your last pawn

Me: Yas Kween, slay!

Hey wait a minute. If the Rock gets Cody's soul, where's Cody going to keep his adrenaline?

Chess Teacher: And the Queen can move in any direction

Me, snapping: Yes she can. Go off matriarch. Mother is mothering.

"It's so clear!" - Me at 9 years old, watching Weezer's "Buddy Holly" video that was included with Windows 95 that might as well have been animated with goddamn sand art

2025 Trans Girl Scouts To Order Cookies From! This year, consider ordering your Girl Scout cookies from a trans girl scout to make their day!

1. Did you know that Girl Scouts has, for a long time, accepted trans girls and nonbinary scouts?

Trans kids are under attack. Every year, I make a thread of trans and nonbinary girl scouts you can get your cookies from.

Lets get our cookies from them this year in solidarity!

Justin Trudeau is stepping down as Prime Minister of Canada. He said he's looking forward to spending more time with his cans of black face paint

🎵I'm singing in the rain
The song's public domain
What a confusing feeling
The film's not fair game🎶

You know why I love reading? These days it’s one of the few respites from being constantly advertised to.

I'm surprised Nintendo didn't try to sue Sabrina Carpenter over that line in Espresso

8 months, 9 songs and a lawsuit later and we STILL don't know if Drake has ever played "Have You Ever?"

What does Lil Wayne do with the pipe while he's recording the verse?

"We come to this place for magic." - Me, walking into The Magic Castle

How dare Kendrick release an album when I left my airpods at home?

I'm all for letting your freak flag fly and not hiding who you are, but Theatre People, this is our chance to show everyone that we're normal. Please don't sing along with the Wicked movie UNTIL the sing along cut comes out on Christmas.

You're cooking with that pick

AOC comes out swinging against a Nancy Mace for targeting Sarah McBride.

"They're doing this so that Nancy Mace can ... fundraise off an email. They're not doing this to protect people. They're endangering women, they're endangering girls of all kinds. And everybody should reject it. It's gross."

If you're looking for a cost-effective way to heat your home this winter, just get a crummy laptop to try to run Vampire Survivors

As I got out of my car last night I had to ask myself "which wildfire am I smelling?" Which is not a pleasant thought.