"ATTENTION MUST BE PAID."

Making bets with vendors is how you get free stuff

The horrors persist, but I endure.

Me: hey, do you need a new diaper?
E: *immediately runs away* No! I hiding!

I had forgotten how hard rollerblading was on your ankles

You don't have to drink the whole sea to know it's salty

You don't need an occasion to have cucumber and cream cheese sandwiches

36 is nice so far

Go to bed & sleep there.

If anyone hears my son say "Mommy broken", it's not an astute characterization of my mental health but rather part of our process to get him to stop nursing and eat more "regular" food

How do I tell my brain that just because I didn't realize I ate both halves of my bagel, doesn't mean that I have to get another one so I can "enjoy it more" and that I'm already full?

Go see a therapist.

My family members are not good go-betweens. If you want me to know something, tell me directly, there is only a 50/50 chance they'll remember to tell me or tell me the whole thing!

Ariel from the little mermaid reaches towards the ocean surface while singing "part of your world"

Ross from friends looks sad and says "but I just wanna go home and watch my shows..."

Me: I want to be where the people are!

My family: but there are people there?

I wanted a quesadilla but we had exactly 0 tortillas, so I ate half a box of Ritz Bits (cheese) instead 🤷🏼‍♀️

Sure can!

For anyone who plays Pokemon TCGP, find me: 7434326000698714

It's nice to be with friends and family

hello brave new world