Lizards

I would pay money for a procedure to destroy the part of my brain that remembers Billy Joel songs

welcome to bluesky. if the word "mapquest" means anything to you and/or you used it as a verb, you're in the right place

Primaries for senators

I read this and immediately thought “well that would actually be awesome because then Marty can go back to the 90s where he probably had a really awesome time as a teenager” and then I was like oh wait his PARENTS would have been teenagers in the 90s and then I just sat here for like 45 minutes

You weren't using that

The chocolate ration had not been reduced to 20 grams per week, but increased to 20 grams.

Not too shabby

2 0 2 5 Updates Key Races N.Y.C. Mayor Va. Gov. County Margin Shift from 2024 pres. T Votes Loudoun Spanberger +29 * 12 pts. 164,366 Prince William Spanberger +34 × 16 pts. 161,419 Portsmouth Spanberger +47 * 8.1 pts. 29,956 Washington Earle-Sears +49 * 4.5 pts. 20,927 Louisa Earle-Sears +20 * 6.5 pts. 18,719 Orange Earle-Sears +15 * 9.3 pts. 17,127 Powhatan Earle-Sears +40 * 4.4 pts. 16,957 Pulaski Earle-Sears +38 * 7.1 pts. 12,466 Dinwiddie Earle-Sears +17 ~ 6.3 pts. 11,974 Harrisonburg Spanberger +41 × 15 pts. 11,753 Manassas Spanberger +30 * 16 pts. 11,514 Carroll Earle-Sears +57 ~ 6.1 pts. 11,277 Wise Earle-Sears +59 ~ 4.6 pts. 10,962 Fairfax City Spanberger +45 * 11 pts. 10,232 Fredericksburg Spanberger +43 * 11 pts. 10,191 Salem Earle-Sears +12 6.9 pts. 9,374 King William Earle-Sears +34 * 7.1 pts. 8,999 Russell Earle-Sears +63 * 4.9 pts. 8,860

Every single county in Virginia shifted Blue.

can’t tell if my antidepressants aren’t working or if they just weren’t built for this. like, zoloft was introduced in the 90s it barely needed to work then. if you got sad you could just buy a house.

You told me you got a raspberry pie and I show up and it's little fucking computer?

If I was a pitcher who threw three huge inside pitches at a batter and one of them actually hit the batter and I didn’t want it to look intentional I would not yell “FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” at the batter

Married her yesterday.

Don’t forget to destroy your clocks tonight and reclaim what they’ve taken from you

the context manipulators would probably get really pissed off if you tried to make it harder to manipulate context

A Bluesky user told me Discover feed keeps showing him jerryposts so I asked how many jerryposts he's liked and he said he just goes to my timeline and likes a new jerrypost afterwards so I said it sounds like he's just feeding jerryposts to Discover feed and then his daughter started crying.

I mean it's not controversial it's just wrong.

👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻

The most completely mundane replies being hid in my mentions without my consent or control is absolutely ridiculous and outrageous.

@pfrazee.com y’all gotta give us back control of our own accounts this is out of hand.

Literally hid a cat picture someone sent me.

Infrastructure as Code is great because it allows you to write infrastructure bugs

LONDON (AP) — Buckingham Palace says King Charles III will strip Prince Andrew of remaining titles including “Andrew”, curse him to wander the Earth as “the nameless one”

I say, "No worries!" an awful lot for someone living in the collapse of the United States.

Game 3 of the World Series will continue until morale improves.

sobbing as mom makes me smoke a whole pack of baseball in one sitting

TIRED: I can’t go to bed, the game’s still on.
WIRED: I can totally go to bed, the game will still be going in eight hours.

This game is bringing out the best in us

I haven’t had this much fun on Bluesky since we all thought he was dead

🔬 studies show information may be harmful

🧠 here's how to limit your exposure:

meatcoding (it's like vibecoding but instead you use meat that can think)

Now _that's_ an idea

4 panel comic Panel 1: A group of people just having a lovely time. Everyone is laughing Panel 2: An absolute Federal Agent appears in the middle of the group laughing like an obnoxious robot Panel 3: The group quickly disperses, leaving the gross creepy agent by himself Panel 4: The agent touches his ear and says “arrest their moms”

the US government has arrived on bluesky

The White House @whitehouse-47.bsky.... • 1h What's up, Bluesky? We thought you might've missed some of our greatest hits, so we put this together for you. Can't wait to spend more quality time together! Community Notes @communitynotesof.bsky.social User added context This administration is full of pedophiles

Okay maybe just one