Andy

I'm going to start pestering every shopkeeper about obtaining an unbreakable medieval guitar made of amber. I must have a resolute resin lute.

All Pops are Castards.

Jacob Elordi doesn't have the orange cat energy required to play Heathcliff.

I bet nobody loves Charlie Kirk enough to get this portrait tattooed on them.

We're out there. Dreaming of this ham. Together.

She's not wrong.

Look at these fancy-ass minions.

It's a shame that @slicexpo.bsky.social was unable to secure Peter Gallagher (Heathcliff). Maybe 2026 will be the year.

Heathcliff attacks from above.

Progressive says they invented the Name Your Price Tool but members of the Republican party go back further than that. 😎

#badboyofcomedy

I'll be honest- I have no idea what The Rock was cooking.

I've been everywhere, man.
I've been everywhere, man.
Crossed the desert in a plane and come to think of it there's a lot of places I haven't been so I'm sorry I misled you, man.

Ancient goatse meme

There were actually TWO things "that" Meatloaf wouldn't do for love:
1. Pilates
2. Work the word "Pilates" into the beat.

Today's kids can't call or write you a letter. And forget about seeing on the fourth of July or leaving a note that says uh woah oh, it's been good a living with you.

I have, once again, lost every last cent I had by betting on a PFT championship. I'm ruined. Now I only have these PFT NFTs and... dear god... they're gone.

I did it again, folks. I have, once again, placed my entire life savings on the line betting that @pftompkins.bsky.social is going to win After Midnight. Now, it's not as much as last time (because I lost everything) but if this goes wrong I'll have to sell organs. No presh.

One more episode of After Midnight to go, then I can cancel Paramount+.

@gamechangershow.bsky.social is afraid to have Eliza Skinner and Todd Glass pitch (terrible) products.

"I want Team Sonic Racing!"
"We have Team Sonic Racing at home."
Team Sonic Racing at home:

Most people don't remember this but from 1965 until she was reimagined in 1975, Hello Kitty had a subtly different design.

LOOK, I'M JUST SAYING THAT GALACTUS SHOULD HAVE A BIG MUSTACHE AND HE SHOULD SAY, "EARTH: IT'S WHAT'S FOR DINNER," AND THEN WE'LL ALL APPLAUD AND LEAVE AND HAVE SEX.

Make Twitter* Fun Again

*This place. This place is Twitter. X is X. Dumb people not being funny: X. Deep breath. Fart noise.

Fun fact: The movie Paint Your Wagon gets its name from the scene where there is uncontrolled horse diarrhea.

How much for that doggy in the window? The one that doesn't practice santeria?

Mister policeman
I gave you all the cluesk.

Mistakes were made.

He's not the bonus dad. He's just the dad that bones us.

This is Dionne Warwick's B-side that Weird Al sued her over.

New Trump executive order demands that @smithsonianmag.bsky.social mirror the art direction of 70s hotrod magazines.