Jeffrey Hecker

5K Enriched Uranium race this afternoon at 2:00 p.m.

Grimes working out of William Randolph Hearst's mansion basement printing zine called Zan and Jayna (based on Wonder Twins) with a special edition devoted to Gleek the Space Monkey. Hey Grimes, can you also tell us what your ex did with all of our social security numbers please?

Maybe if The Weather Channel would stop spending money airing a show about tow truck drivers in a mountainous region full of bearded alcoholics, we could save some of our government weather programs. Just a suggestion.

I would like to see JD Vance eat an entire stick of butter not by his choice.

Each time I believe I have read the best of Zora Neale Hurston, I find something else she wrote that is better.

The only thing missing from that Alaskan press conference yesterday was Putin Crip Walking around the podium.

John Malkovich dancing in Opus while wearing what looks like a Jiffy Pop bag as a jacket is probably the best thing I will see this decade.

Something poets used to do a lot is move to other countries so they could be the "weird" poet. I actually think that is the only reason we know a lot of them.

One way to tell if you are old is if Band of Horses is older than all your students and you were already kind of old when Band of Horses was hot.

Skibidi Lindsey Graham

I have got it everybody: all Dems young and old start registering for Brazilian jiu-jitsu classes starting this fall. Those stats will get to White House quick. They will be scared and they should be scared. We should be scaring them.

Honestly if Stephen A. Smith does run for president I will pre-order his "Blasphemous" bumper stickers. I want a Republican to vandalize my vehicle. I am staying alive just for that moment.

Remember that night we bombed Iran and nobody ever discussed it again? That happened, right? Just want to make certain for my long death essay to extraterrestrials written in the Arrival cuneiform.

Grimes producing a new version of Footloose where a city girl moves to a small town where the music is actually too loud and she encourages everybody to turn down the volume. Autobiography time Grimes...

New enriched uranium shaker beside the shaky cheese dispenser at my favorite Italian eatery. May wait to try that seasoning.

In 1968 students cruised around college campuses in Chevrolet Chevelles completely naked protesting anything and everything and the government did not even consider charging schools extra money for that. So I guess my question is what is going on?

I wish I had a pdf copy and 30 hardcopy handouts of every piece of writing I like.

The voice telling me not to order shoes lost today to the voice telling me to order shoes. If my feet are the last body part I spoil and treat, well, nobody can say anything about that.

The main takeaway from this U.N. Security Council meeting is the entire world knows we are Carrie White at prom.

Ten minutes into Gaza speech at UN right now, Deputy Ambassador Kalilu Totangi from Sierra Leone has presented more lucidity than I have heard all 2025 in every time zone in my country.

If any hospital staff woke me up in this way, my surgical procedure better be free. Also, the chaplain better start backing out of the room because I am not talking to them either.

Grimes atop the Seattle Space Needle in a Shawn Kemp jersey recording wind sounds instead of writing her autobiography. Time to start typing Grimes.

Even if everyone on earth suddenly began to speak figuratively (we may already be there) poets would still write poetry. It would still be a superior replacement communication. That is how much poets believe speaking has failed the accuracy test.

Sometimes when I am blue I picture JD Vance walking around Greenland in that Spies Like Us winter coat. It does not make me happier though it makes me laugh like a famished hyena.

The amount of people following the 27th season of Big Brother on this platform is all the proof I need that the entertainment industry is over.

The largest aspect Orwell did not predict was Big Brother would not even pretend to care about assuring anybody everything was a-okay. Whether you believed or not would not matter at all.

I like when you try to tell your parents about the voice in the poem being a "speaker" and not the poet and they look at you trying to determine the best-sized straightjacket to place you in.

Everybody causing serious problems for humanity are in their 60's and 70's. We really shouldn't be putting up with this at all. Monkeys wouldn't.

People actually dialed in and spoke to Adam Carolla and Drew Pinsky on Loveline about their sex lives? would be an appropriate question everybody can ask anytime they want.

At least 28 people throughout parties in 1990's looked exactly I mean exactly like Sydney Sweeney and they were usually standing alone bummed out in kitchenettes re-arranging refrigerator magnets and talking to Australian Shepherds. I am not concerned about blue jeans. I am afraid for my life.