Jeffrey Hecker

Mrs. Prindable's rep is quizzing QVC hosts about how many batches of holiday caramel-dipped green apples the company produces every day and nobody can guess correctly, not even close.

Virginia is going to send Winsome Earle-Sears back to whatever Tales from the Crypt episode she originally emerged.

Whenever I see Tony Hawk doing a commercial for Turmeric I wish I could skateboard into a canyon.

Sometimes it looks like the live studio audience for Dancing with the Stars are dead bodies but I know that cannot be correct.

I think Ryan Seacrest should self-immolate as the Wheel of Fortune wheel spins around.

QVC selling porcelain angel lamps that look like they were hand painted in some kind of prison, probably locally in Pennsylvania.

I like how some mothers will end somebody's life even if they do not kill them for messing up their house decorations.

Educating students must have been fun when you could amaze them.

I like how there is nearly constant news about alien vessels defying laws of gravity and everybody is like so what we do not fucking care.

Horror film where somebody tries to play piano but the keys are all broke. When any key is pressed, Grimes pops out of the interior of piano and tells the player the keys are all broke then closes herself back inside the piano.

Somehow Zohran found Ari at Home walking around NYC (which is almost impossible to do even if you kind of know where he is) in Ari's patented boombox backpack and Zohran instructed random people to freestyle rap -- and they did.

What is the term for somebody who likes Christmas decorations but does not believe in God?

Once a girl I dated invited me to her family reunion and there were like 65 people there and I went. I am not sure what was going on with me during those times.

QVC hosts making each other feel bad for admitting to eating alone entire bowls of Germack 18-oz. Rudy's Blend Mixed Nuts.

Oh look my local news station is interviewing a bunch of white tourists home from visiting Jamaica and nothing they are saying is valuable or interesting or important.

Honestly Dick Cheney may be the sole reason everything has been horrible in this country since the year 2000.

YouTube video by Jeopardy! The Western Hemisphere | Final Jeopardy! | JEOPARDY!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4Jh...

Poet Joyelle McSweeney appearing on Jeopardy is the only good thing that has happened this entire year.

I wish nobody had even tried to make a Sylvia Plath film.

I bet the best short story writers on the planet look at novelists and yawn and look at poets and yawn.

QVC hosts looking at Christmas tree lights like they have never seen Christmas tree lights before in their entire lives.

The only hope in the novel 1984 is that it is 3rd person POV.

The mob boss intently watching a Felix the Cat cartoon in the film Ghost Dog is one of the best scenes I have ever seen.

The weird thing is if Covid happened in 1985 nobody would have told us.

What if the government shutdown is just another experiment to see how long people will go without breaking into each other's cars?

Somebody just made a 68-yard field goal. That is longer than Cinderella's Castle at Magic Kingdom is high.

Kim Gravel is now showing off 70 ornaments in a box and singing "tree in a box" in the exact same rhythm as the Timberlake "cock in a box" SNL song.

Paris Hilton's mom is selling it and she is angry.

QVC selling an 80-oz. candle to burn down your house proper.

Whatever Democrat runs for President next is going to have to not love everybody and definitely not run for everybody. There is a line that has been drawn and that person should know that.