Oh no it's austin

"You could rub a carrot on my face all day and I wouldn't care" - my life partner

As a transplant from Kentucky, I've found a truth that most people outside of the south and maybe Midwest aren't really open to listening to bluegrass or country music.

Do you know what show Carrie just called "crass humor"?

SpongeBob SquarePants

"Daddy what are slugs made of?"

😵‍💫

Do you think when a billionaire gets proposed to by a not-billionaire, she's let down by the ring?

Crows are such gossipy bitches

Protip: when you're having a bad time on the toilet, do not text the mother of your children "it feels like I'm giving birth"

It doesn't go well

"Hey dad, what's the truth of water?"

"... I don't understand the question."

"WRONG! It's memory"

Lotta phoebe lately

It's so weird when I see depictions of Robin Hood and he's not an anthropomorphic fox

There was a guy with a shirt that said "DADS FOR GAY SPACE SOCIALISM" and you know what hell yea dad

I'm in Costa Rica and we had to take our 3 year old to the emergency room and get an X-ray. They asked if we had foreign health insurance, and we didn't. At the end of the visit, the total bill was A HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS, the US is such a joke of a healthcare system.

Regular reminder that Donald Duck has a middle name

"Lord I've seen you do for others, why can't you do this for me?"

Oh no is "skeet" the noun form of a bluesky post? There's another definition...

So a while back, when some countries became fascist empires, the a bunch of countries and the US intervened and now we're all friends.

Do you think that means they owe us one now? Like, we helped you and now you help us?

Please?

You're a real bro, sorry your weekend got destroyed

Also if I ever had to develop my own personal pantheon, Phoebe Bridgers would be the god of cozy melancholy whose musical blessings reach people when they are sad. She doesn’t help them not feel sad or depressed, but they feel warm and seen and that counts for something.

I'm just saying why would I make a pippi longstockings reference and not know who she is?