My favorite part of the game so far today is when the announcers took a three minute turkey break. #alcs #gomariners

Fifteen innings, I love you Mariners.

This game is taking years off my life.

Dan Wilson looks like Commissioner Gordon and I love it. #gomariners

Me when I post online

I don’t need performance enhancing drugs to enjoy trains.

After five days in National Parks, I’m starting to think Thanos had some good ideas.

image of watchmen's doctor manhattan, a superhero who is entirely blue and nude, sitting on a rock, small in frame, on what is depicted to be a very pink version of the surface of the planet mars. he looks pensive.

It is 2002. I am 18 years old. We are in a once-in-a-generation economic crisis.

It is 2008. I am 24 years old. We are in a once-in-a-generation economic crisis.

It is 2020. I am 36 years old. We are in a once-in-a-generation economic crisis.

It is 2025. I am 41 years old. We are in a—

Make sure to ask your DM how their dungeon’s HVAC system works.

I actually have three jobs. My day job, stand-up comedy, and driving my retired mom to the airport every 2-3 weeks.

I modded my first Original Xbox. Now it can sit on a shelf and I can ignore it for the rest of my life. Then, every six months, I’ll look at it and think to myself “Hell yeah.”

This is the look of a cat who knows they’re about to get wet food.

Let me know when you build an AI that stops my parents from calling me when they have issues.

*30 years into the future*

“I just sent you a tweet.”

“Grandpa, what’s a tweet?”

*Grandpa, stares into the distance. A single tear rolls down his cheek.

I’m playing Stardew like it’s Animal Crossing in 2020

Photographer: So what look are going for fellas?

Trump/Vance: We want villain portraits from Mortal Kombat 2.

agdq’s crazy taxi run has a mosh pit

But they were, all of them, deceived, for another batch of Christmas cookies was made. In the closet of my bedroom, in the folds of Hawaiian shirts, the Dark Lord Michael’s blood sugar grows.

Delilah, my cat, who stole my chair.

Me: Delilah, I was sitting there.

Delilah: Everything in this house is mine.