Budd Anthony Diaz

“Its adjustable”

Italian man trying to convince you not to be scared of the ball

AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED

Is it “tickle the ivories?” or “taste the ivories?” Either way I feel like I’m going to get in trouble.

Yeah, I know music theory but do you wanna hear my theory? It stinks!

All the liberals in Boston are like “Cumbaya my guy. Cumbaya”

Oh we’re just gonna call it nut meat aight cool cool

👏👏👏

No one asks their friends to come through the garage anymore

Charge backs are just adult dine & dashes

Global warming is especially bad from June 20th to September 22nd.

Alex on twitter writes: "Someone on Twitter writes: "You’re a menswear writer. You don’t know anything about manufacturing in America, or steel mills, or metallurgy, or CNC machining, or how anything is produced from raw material into a finished product in this country or anywhere. Stick to writing about “men’s fashion."" I reply: "i actually had a career in knifemaking before this. the reason why you can't avoid tariffs in knifemaking is because everyone relies on Gobelin machinery. are you aware of this?" Alex replies: "Gobelin machinery? What exactly are you referring to?" I reply: "you Gobelin DEEZ NUTS!"

"stick to menswear"

If I can’t have my cake and eat it too then why the fuck did you even plan this birthday party?

When Limp Bizkit’s 2000 smash hit “Rollin' (Air Raid Vehicle)” came out, I hope that those close to Josh Brolin did the right thing.

I’ve avoided Agoura Hills my entire life but only because I’m agouraphobic

This dumb ass cop is trying to say I’m over the legal limit? Yeah, no duh brainiac, do I look 17 to you?

Freedom from kings.
Freedom from fascism.
Power to the people forever. ♥️

Happy Independence Day 🇺🇸

Almost every goofball over 35 has an ex from their early 20’s who was just the fucking worst.

My mind barely survived “Alabama Arkansas” and now you’re gonna hit me with “Alligator Alcatraz?”

happy birthday to the author of the best tweet in history

State Department Revokes Bob Vylan's Visa Over Glastonbury Performance The Department of State revoked Bob Vylan's U.S. visa following their performance at Glastonbury, where the duo advocated to 'free Palestine.'

Revoking an artist's visa for their speech, no matter how controversial, doesn't make us safe.

The government should not be policing the artistic or political expression of citizens, visitors, or anyone else.

Just sent an email to everyone I know titled “We’re updating our terms of service”

“Purpose through storytelling” no duh. why else you think I paid for final draft

I finally ate trail mix while on a trail and it all makes sense now

Why

mr-gay-sex Follow • the whole "lipstick on a pig" thing makes no sense because the second we gave a pig access to makeup she became god's cuntiest soldier Photo of miss piggy

My love language is English

I always try to be politically correct. That’s why I call them my unhomies.

If you love Borat then you’re going to love Van Nuys!

🔥 It's happening! Disney and Universal are suing Midjourney and they cited mine and Gary Marcus' work exposing their infringement in their filing. LET'S GO! 🔥

"You look like your wife gives unenthusiastic handjobs!"