Front squat PR but it’s a snow shovel.

This year I learned how to let go. I wish I could say it was through a deep revelation but really it was because of that show with the alcoholic horse

there’s no way Santa’s reindeer have a good union if they’re pulling a sleigh across the entire world in one night

Dreaming of creaming

this is so cute!! amazing how much detail you can get in!

i waved at a dog in traffic and it barked back. that’s my president.

airplanes are amazing. you sit in a chair in the sky, and sometimes a baby screams at you for 8 hours straight.

i wish that when my microwave is done the timer would just stay humble about it

I touched grass, and it slapped me, so now I am back inside

the sheer amount of air freshener some ubers have is violent and ought to be considered chemical warfare

this would be a very opportune time to bring back the guillotine

cyber monday would be more exciting if there was a way to remotely trample someone to death at Walmart

men will literally climb mount everest instead of sitting quietly in a room and drinking a glass of water

Is there a Dunning-Kruger effect for being funny? Because I think I have that.

Hobbies include always missing the point

i just finished baby proofing the apartment [rattles locks] no way they're getting back in

This may be not be a mainstream opinion, but I don't believe you should cut down a Christmas tree unless you intend on eating it.

If you put a lasagna on top of another lasagna, it’s no longer two lasagnas. It’s one giant lasagna. THAT is the power of lasagna.

I went to select “see less like this” and accidentally opened the offending post. Now the algorithm is like “whelp, you’ve shown your true colors. This is now your preferred content.”

Do you think the first unicyclist was bike curious

They need to invent procrastination where you don't have to deal with its consequences later

god i can’t STAND it when people in horror movies act dumb. they should act perfectly levelheaded, like how *i* do when im scared out of my mind,

I have watched two or three youtube videos and believe I could build a house

if you offer dracula a little bit of your blood for free he'll probably respect you more

a cloak believed to belong to the shooter transformed into a dozen beautiful white doves and flew away, Authorities said,