Forrest Plump

You might be in their DM's but I'm in their Drafts folder.

If they swallow their gum, they'll do that thing you like

A reply guy to all, is a reply guy to none.

You can talk to me, too 😚

I am a piñata full of nonsense and desire. Please beat me with the stick

I love you too 🩷 missed you today

*calculates net carbs while maintaining eye contact*

@shitpostsintiaras.bsky.social bless this princess with a tiara (if you don’t mind)

'One does not simply ignore Forrest' meme

Ignore me? On my phone that I pay? How dare you.

Idk man someone opened an ornate bottle and here I am

The love of my life is out there squinting their eyes in the darkness on the way to the bathroom and running into walls

Let’s get drunk and play the Miami Vice theme song with our mouth guitars

Janet Jackson's nipple ring walked so Chappell Roan's nipple ring could run

There’s no higher honor than an animal snuggling into you. That’s really it. You’ve won it all my friend congratulations how does it feel to be touched by an angel

bitch, shut up.
~me to my brain.

You are a fucking nightmare… I’m into it.

YouTube video by DefLeppardVEVO Def Leppard - Rock Of Ages

DEF LEPPARD: what do you want? WHAT DO YOU WANT?

ME: I want to feel like myself again 🤷‍♀️

The Shining Alternate Ending:

Jack kills Wendy. Everybody’s cool with it.

*time-travels just to show the bible people uncrustables*

biblically accurate flavor-blasted goldfish

Cucumbers are just melons that aren't sweet, but the government doesn't want you talking about that.

part of your beauty comes from the way you speak and treat people

sometimes the sound of rain is the only conversation you need

let me seduce you with my knowledge on useless things

don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

A close up of a tiny perfect snowflake on my black coat

Shut up and look at this adorable snowflake I got at recess

Giving you a sultry touch but I'm just wiping crumbs off my fingers