D*o.t_s>k°y

I feel like if you had to ban social media for any group of people for their own protection, you should probably start with people over 60.

TEAMS:
Me: Hi Steve! Happy Wednesday and TRAITORS DAY (if you celebrate)!
Steve: Hi Jamie
Me: any plans this evening? I’m writing to get the password for the document you sent out pretty please.
Steve: It’s MainDish
Me: *pauses for any general conversation to continue*
*realises none is forthcoming*

Nothing for exacerbating your impostor syndrome about being the personality hire than any type of written conversation with lawyers.

I jest of course. I shared news of your presidency with Georgia and we both agreed we couldn’t think of anyone better 🥰

Always knew deep down you were a Tory, Chris

Darling I’m a:

One for @thelouvreof.bsky.social surely

See yer da’s got a new car.

Feel very seen by this

You know who doesn't integrate? People like Robert Jenrick. You think he works out at the local leisure centre? Goes to the Tuesday night pub quiz? You think his golf club lets anyone play? Or his private members' clubs let anyone in? He puts the ick in prick

Imagine being murdered twice in one day

As today is World Octopus Day I’ll again mention that a Spanish equivalent to “like a fish out of water” is como un pulpo en un garaje. It means “like an octopus in a garage.”

You're either wearing a Vietnamese hat, or you're not. That's the nón-binary

I’m all for kinder politics but sometimes you just need to call a mean, dumb cunt a mean, dumb cunt 🫡

Shortly after accusing all other political party leaders of believing in "the magic money tree", Kemi Badenoch announces her plan to completely scrap stamp duty, without any word on how she plans to pay for it

There may be unforeseen costs to downgrading our understanding of the national language

How is this repeatedly made into a policy issue - by *all* parties - when the blunt fact of the matter is that grown adults who are obliged to pay for their own education, and relentlessly pursued to repay their loans, should be able to study whatever the fuck they want.

I say this as a professional AND as a very occasional viewer of live tv: it is WILD to me that the Beeb are putting their only two appointment-to-view shows that might attract millennials and Gen Z up against each other tomorrow night.

“Have you SEEN how the beds are laid out?! Where would I plug in my charger?”

I’ll never forget SR’s biggest reason for social distancing so hard during the Pando: “I am NOT dying in the fucking *ExCel*”

The Costa queue at the ExCel is, invariably, people lining up with a fifty pound note per order and taking some time to process in disbelief what stunty nonsense passes for a coffee in the UK.
We should be able to leave them to it and grab ours while they fight it out.

The one place - the ExCel (where Johnny Foreigner wouldn’t have the app to collect his Costa beans so we Brits could jump the queue), Costa doesn’t have app ordering 🤦🏻‍♂️

I can still hear her. “Smyyyyyyyyy! You’re a WORM.”

Thank you that means a lot! You know making drag puppet Emma was probably the most fun I had creatively (with hands at least) *since* school. Glue gun lyf!

I was so bad at art my secondary school teacher thought I was doing it on purpose to take the piss out of her, and she proceeded to wage a four year campaign against me until I could drop it and gtfo.

Look what I’ve just sent to my friend 🥰

All these people really want is to pay no taxes and be treated with floor scraping deference. Everything else is just bullshit in pursuit of that goal.

The female English teacher taking a new Upper Sixth lover each year, much to the dismay of her husband, the German teacher.

His catchphrase used to be “every time I turn around… [e.g. you’re mucking around with the overhead projector]” - the class changed the ending to “somebody’s shagging my wife”

Went back to Operation Mincemeat and bloody Hester and her bloody roses… they don’t get easier 😭

I think calling something vistavision when it’s significantly LESS WIDE than normal cinema is trolling of the highest degree actually