AmsYourRave

Dysphoria & dysmorphia related reminders:

- how you feel right now is not how you will feel forever
- 1% of progress is better than 0% of progress
- genuine joy brings more beauty than any shape ever could
- clothes are meant to be altered to form! you are not meant to alter yourself to fit them 🧡

Getting back into drawing on paper rather than on my tablet. Art block is still fighting me fiercely, but I feel so much better when I can just doodle a bit.

Anyway, some ARPG stuff for my kuku-ri characters, Gnocchi and Mendum.
Kinda want to do even more traditional stuff for my other kukus.

Made a joke with one of my coworkers that instead of dressing up for Hallow's Eve, I'll tell everyone I'm "a pesky mosquito in your ear" followed by a small noise.

Coworker said the sound I make is so accurate that if I were a real mosquito, I'd be dead.

And this is why I should be a voice actor.

One of the things I hate about job applications is the fact that they always ask for your SSN, and I - a person with undiagnosed mental issues - have an issue with switching at least two of my numbers despite thinking I have it memorized. I can't just carry my SSC everywhere I go to double-check.

It's the fact that your art style is simultaneously detailed yet simplistic that I'm, frankly, jealous. You're inspiring, let me tell ya.

The full quote: "I think the sublime confusion is from nineteen to twenty-nine. You think you are late for everything, you're a has been, nothing is happening, there's no opportunity for you, the world is closed, everything is a disaster, you wanna die. And then you're thirty. " "You young people are in the exact age of desperation. I never felt more done and old than in my twenties. I'd say 'life has passed me and I did nothing.' But I'm here to tell you that's not true: you have a lot of fucking time."

I love Guillermo del Toro calling ages 19 to 29 "sublime confusion"

If anyone asks me why I seem so unfazed or nonchalant by bad news that directly affects me, it is because I've had such shit happen this year alone that I am exhausted.

Life has cracked me over the head and punched me in the gut, laying me out so hard that I am dry heaving my emotions anymore.

Twitch Twitch is the world

I'm LIVE playing R.E.P.O. with my brother.
Watch amsyourrave on Twitch! www.twitch.tv/amsyourrave?...

I guess it sticks out to me because right now I'm in a space where I want to be with my partner/husband, but I'm practically "married" to my job, and it's ruined my relationship with my S/O.

So, what's more important to me...?

My husband.

Screw my job. It's done nothing but damage me.

You ever listen to a song again after not listening to it for a hot minute, and then revisit it when you're in a bad mental place? And when you're in that bad place, a verse that you've never paid attention to suddenly sticks out like a sore thumb?
That's "Take Me Back To Eden" by Sleep Token.

I would have stockpiled, too. That's unfortunate

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY CHANGED???

Did a stream tonight (I usually only stream on Mon and Wed), and it was a good night for followers. I only need 4 more to hit 300 followers.
Honestly, I should stream more.

I know I want to get back into art streams, so those might happen on Fridays.
And I wanna record more Read-Aloud videos..

My partner texted *me* first for the first time in months. (I've always been the one to text him first.)

And his text ringtone woke me from a dead sleep. My phone going off for *any* notification never wakes me up. But I woke up to his notification.

That's a good sign, right?

Screenshot of text I’ve written that reads: I really want to rant about the way the world is going and how the creative industries are being destroyed and how those two things are so closely tied together and I want to complain about how hard it is to just exist and create right now and how it feels like you always need to be 'on' and the pressure to always be making content and be visible that's pushed on us by this capitalist fast tech-driven world we're in right now and how it's stifling creativity in the worst way and how it feels like you need to choose between being visible and actually making good art and experimenting and being a human being but I am exhausted and all my energy has been drained

My condolences for your loss. I've loved seeing Emma around on socials from time to time.
She knows she was loved. And I know she'll be waiting for you on the other side of the rainbow bridge.

Yes

This is the way. Re-pledged to PBS, as well.

He loves me.
He still cares.
He still wants a life with me.

Our bond isn't going anywhere.
Papers are just that - papers.

Our connection lies buried somewhere intangible; branded in a place far beyond the physical, yet it can be felt deeply.

That's all the proof I need.

And I love him, too.

Found a new song via TikTok, and for the first time I actually saw my partner/husband's face from perfect memory.

His tame-yet-wild black hair, the way he grins in the goofiest way, how his eyes kinda squint when he smiles, his facial scruff that could almost belong to an Amish person.

Perfect..

Been doing a lot of karaoke and a capella singing to metal music - which is something I never thought my voice would be good for, but here we are.

I also used to do song writing. None of it was ever good. Like, ever...

...Until now.
Metal is about to be my genre.

Watch out, world. Rave's comin'.

I couldn't add this in, but last bit:

"My heart will always belong to my main, because that's who I have always loved. Even if we are apart, he holds my heart, and it is his alone. ❤️‍🩹"

Just a reminder that Asperger was a Nazi, and there’s not actually a good versus bad form of autism.

Those of us with high masking ability aren’t better than the ones who need more help.

Thanks for coming to my second TED talk.

When your cat wants to be part of your stream.

Every day away teaches me more and more of how much I truly love him.

Everything I do is to benefit us both. The new things I learn and practice are in the name of my love for him.

No, I do not know for certain if things will ever go in our favor again. But I have faith. And that's all I need now.

I made gluten-free free cookies!! Here's my recipe, instructions, and a picture of the first batch (which turned out more spherical than I had imagined).

I'd be done to watch it. Heck, I'd be down to participate in that show.

I have a kitchenette, and I'm lucky my mini keurig plus a cutting board can fit on what little counter space I have.

Tiny kitchen cooking would be a fun idea for sure!

I haven't had issues with butter or natural sugars or anything. Just the flour. But if I ever feel the need to substitute eggs and/or butter in a recipe, I go for coconut oil (especially for pastries).

So far my endeavors have not been all too bad. Still learning, though.

I agree. I make enough to survive, but it's not stellar pay. Although my post was more about personal cooking for myself at home.

Personal cooking is another matter. When I work closing shift, it's more difficult to make dinner without eating at almost 9p-10p, and by then it's time for bed.

It is OK to want things when the world is on fire.

It is OK to have hopes and dreams when everything is a mess.

It is OK to say yes to the goddamn universe when the ground feels unsteady.

You don’t become less of a person, less of who you are, when things are hard.

You deserve good things.