This One is a Coyote Spirit

It's such a sick song and truly an absurdist's ballad.

youtube.com/watch?v=xWKB...

I think tiny young Kaz always knew that:
- The world is wonderful
- Absurdism overpowers nihilism
- Smiles can exist in solemn moments

People who aren't raised in Japan won't quite get how cool it is for a Japanese song to use 魂 and have it be pronounced soul.

If I have to pick my favorite lyrics, it'd be:

駆け引きの世界で　僕が得たものを
ダスタシュートに投げ込むよ
白地図を広げて　明日を待っていたい

目一杯の助走をつけて　あのボーダーラインを飛ぶんだ
風向きを味方につけて　猫背を気にしながら

生きてる証を　時代に打ち付けろ
貧弱な魂で　悪あがきしながら
何度へましたっていいさ　起死回生で毎日がレボリューション
人生はフリースタイル　孤独でも忍耐
笑いたがる人にはキスを
そしていつだって I say yes
I'll be there

I tossed a bag of wild clover seeds on the bald spots of my lawn, and now they are growing.

it makes me happy.

the Body Keeps Score is getting better because it’s now talking about how a traumatized person can be helped.

A dark prediction I have is that they’ll start categorizing autistic people so that they can fracture unity the similar way to how they are trying to split trans people from lgbt.

If anything, I wish the night market didn’t mean waiting for 6 hours on Saturday…

You have the strongest Labubu

How unethical is wasting startup time for interview practice?

I like my spirit form.

Socializing on the boat helped my mood immensely.

But now I have friends who are willing to do what they can do help me.

I am very lucky.

I’ll stop spiraling.

Separate emotions from problem solving and survival.

It’s what I have always done in life.

I’m glad I flirted with you though. ;3
That encounter was very magical.

I feel bad when I flirt and simp for suitors and I lose interest when they take the head off or I get to know their personality.

Not that they’re unattractive or anything, just that the character is what was driving my dopamine.

I should mind my own business.
But just frustrating to see people getting poisoned by their inability to manage online interactions.

The way some of these people with thousands of followers complain about not having friends or being integral to a circle answers why they’re alone.

Their brain literally got cooked from being popular online at an early age and without some serious growth, they’ll stay miserable.

I constantly have to stop myself from tweeting with screenshots about how some furry’s reliance on social media to get validation is literally cooking them into a person that’s impossible to be liked beyond a very superficial level.

"I should get hotter..."

I say as my work/immigration/financial life is collapsing around me.

I want to dress better again.
I want to get those Burberry type jackets and look like a heartbroken rich boy in Ginza.

Couldn't sleep so I was practicing some algorithms.
Surprised to still learn new ones.

I want to get even better at hard work.
So much so that from the outside, I look as though I'm doing it all effortlessly.

What am I saying.
If I let this paralyze this one, I get nothing done.

I have been practicing guitar, doing 2 tone studies in art, surviving at work, initiating the house hunting process with my friends, and socializing.

Worry about doing all that 10% better than not being able to do 20% better.

The blessing of knowing that "I can't do this" is a mechanism to prevent one from feeling hurt by the difficulty of achieving, is that I KNOW I can achieve.

The curse is that every door you decide to not enter feels that much more of a wasted potential.

Above is a defence mechanism too, I'm sure.

It's so difficult to holistically manage life.
If I focus 5 years of my life just making money, I'd be quite well set and probably can hold a high position at a company.
But then I'd forget how to get good at my hobbies, I'd be behind in personality, and social connection.

Something to be said about:
- Kaz is very avoidant and takes paths or feel emotions around avoiding negative feelings/circumstances.
AND
- Kaz is motivated to be better just so that he will be able to make problems go away... and money sure is good at doing that.

I kinda wish I had applied and could have probably joined.

I am pretty foreign to envy so it was weird for me to feel this way.

I think it is less "I am jealous", but more "oh, that would have helped me not have to think about this current issue that is in my mind."

Recently thinking hard about houses and therefore, their prices.

I make great money, but given that I've only been working in the US for 2 years, I definitely do not have money to just throw at a house.

Hearing the news of all OpenAI engineers getting $1.5 mil bonus over 2 years...