Turbo Gerbil aka some bitch named Sage

You can tell Elvis was a dummy because his catchphrase was just "uh huh". That's not even a word. At least Lil John was asking questions (what) answering them (yeah) and providing acceptance (okay). The original short king offering us sips of wisdom from his pimp cup of knowledge.

Is seppuku like soduku or is that different

My mom once caught me masturbating and as punishment I couldn't have dessert for a week. But now as an adult I can have my cake and beat it too.

*adding a random college freshman's dorm to the list of best ramen spots in town*

inside of me are two Beowulfs and i’ve been asked not to return to the library

Reminder that chaos and collapse has been their plan all along.

My landlord said I can't have a cat because they poop inside. But it's like, where does he think I've been going?

"Nothing in my pocket sir, just good old fashioned blood in my penis!"
Meanwhile.... you've got plans of having a tasty banana split on the high seas with your mateys :)

A sex swing but for eating donuts.

got fired from my job as an nba ref cause the commissioner caught me watching shrek II when i was supposed to be reviewing a flagrant 1

Lucky for me the guy who tried to break in and secretly live in my attic had undiagnosed sleep apnea so I could hear him snore and he was easily discovered true story!

Please stop posting stuff I don’t like. In the future try to do posts that I would enjoy

Go see Dan he has made me spit soda out of my nose irl more than once.

THE SHIT HITS THE FANS is 40 years old today!

m.youtube.com/watch?v=5BTz...

Sometimes when I am eating Beefaroni alone in the dark I wonder if Chef Boyardee was a generous lover

the year is 2050. crime is legal. non-crime is illegal. welcome to crime world

the dry winter air is great for people with electro play kinks

I saw Dan Alten carrying clippers and markers otw to the gym to make a viral video

The concept of Super smash Bros sounds like a 4th grader lied about a video game and then his dad had to make it so his kid wouldn't look like a liar when he said "Kirby fights Mario on the Zelda castle"

Have gay guys ever taken back "suck dick"? Like reappropriated it from insult implying subservience into a compliment implying sex positive philanthropist?

How about a 70's stoner porno duo called Cheeks & Dong?

everyone’s kinda mad you disrupted the sacred vibe at the wizard’s tower last night

Using my partner's fancy face soap all over my butt cheeks because their makeup has ruined my pores

I wore a suit to work today to look more professional, but that was a mistake because no one would give change to a guy in a suit

hearing reports there are people on this app

looking into this

I'm not a magician.. but I once turned a back rub, into two kids and a mortgage.