Kendoll Clitzone

I guess I should stop saying I hate birds and start saying I date birds because one of my best relationships was with a bird person whose head is an entirely separate bird.

My ex girlfriend was an entire murder of crows. More bird than girl, really.

Goddamnit your*

What if as a musician you had a big hit album that everyone knew you for, and it was called “Jizz,” and that’s you’re seminal album.

I’ll see myself out.

You’re so vain, you probably fall for people who mirror back everything you say to them even though they don’t mean any of it, don’t you?

This song IS about me tho.

During college I was walking down the street at night and a car full of guys slowed down. A guy hung out the passenger side like he was going to catcall me. He sneezed out the window. Then the car sped up and drove away.

What would you call this behavior?

Good advice. Kinda obvious advice, but maybe not if you’re from Ohio, idk.

A real girls girl… or girl who is gonna become a boy’s girl.

College was a fever dream.
2/2

When I was a freshman (girl at the time) at Ohio State this girl at a party very loudly and determinedly warned me (by shouting across the room?) to never let a guy cum in my eye.
1/

Every morning I wake up and watch a 10 minute long video of blackheads being extracted incorrectly (but in a fun way!) at some spa in Vietnam with a caption that cannot be translated correctly about rice grains and poetry. Is this living your ancestors’ wildest dreams? Am I doing it?

Technology is anazing. This is just what I dreamed about as a kid… watching washed up TV stars have public racist crash outs right from my own handheld radiation box that was made by children from materials sourced via genocide. I love it here.

Yes google docs, please add “cunty” to the dictionary it is gonna come up a lot.

Me: “I’m so glad I only repeated these generational family patterns in relationships, not on actual children… because I didn’t have any.”

My (also Asian) therapist (who is a grandparent): “😅 Ouch. But yes.”

Oops! All trauma! The worst cereal.

Remember those implicit bias tests they have u do in college psych classes? I remember taking em back in the day… they showed I had bias against Asian women… which at the time I was… like damn I know I have mommy issues & self esteem issues, but I didn’t think it would come out like that!

Back in my day we didn’t have the internet we had to draw our own furry porn from scratch 😪

Guillermo Del Toro has entered the chat

Or make up the difference and just eat spoonfuls of fish roe while moaning.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Ma’am, those are his nipples! 😂

Someone once apologized to me for calling my RAINBOW floral cat tattoo sleeve “cute” 🤣

You’re trying to protect MY masculinity. Ok. LOL thanks. The cats name is literally “QT” aka cutie and it’s basically a cutie mark like a fucking my little pony. 🦄

Once I was with a friend in Mexico who was buying viagra for her bf at a pharmacy and she asked if I was sure I wanted to go in with her. I couldn’t figure out why she was asking for a min then realized she was worried they’d think I had ED and be emasculated?! 😂

It’s entertaining to talk casually and comfortably about having small feet at stores as a man because I’m “supposed” to be sensitive about it but… it’s just an objective fact?

[insert absurd dystopian news headline that is somehow actually happening because satire has become indistinguishable from reality here]

“Any unauthorized vehicles will be towed at the owners expense.”

J Katherine: “Well, the cars about the right color for a toad.”

Me: 😑🐸

Clearly I don’t understand camp 😂 just a backwoods demon with no sense of culture

Wow the scam texts are certainly getting… creative? This was followed by a random photo of an Asian woman sitting on a chair. Am I supposed to be anxious I have offended her and send my PIN? 😂

A casual day look 👹 for @jameskatherine801 and I’s open mic tonight - costume contest to win a custom deco paci from @littlekatcreations

It still is weird to have (presumably?) cishet men complimenting my outfits and admiring my style here… I’m dressed like a gay cat cartoon but… huh. Colorado is weird. I like it.

Xena Info Dump: Rewatching old favorite shows & movies confirms things I’ve figured out since then… but damn… every time he’s on screen!

How would you describe your significant other?

This very fashionable cryptid crouching down eating meat in an alley way - an ICON

Ok, I’ll reprise my role as parentified child, but I’m gonna dress like a cartoon catboy on vacation.

Shirt by The Starling Company