X (Xen/Cole McCade)🏳️‍⚧️He/Him🏳️‍🌈

I JUST WALKED

Five fucking months and I was finally able to shuffle across a room under my own power, albeit with a walker

(I'm sorry I haven't answered comments or finished posting what happened with the stroke--cross-posting to socials still takes a lot out of me.)

{My doc is in here and wants to talk. This is just the tip of the iceberg. I'll finish later.)

Realized what it was, made Angela call 911 (my phone was off, struggling that bad), cuddled cats, waited. fell asleep, woke up to EMTs.

They were not able to get me to give lucid answers when sskng where, why, ec. Kept screaming "Japanese. JAPANESE!" at the poor Korean guy. 6/?

I'd never had a diabetic ulcer in my life. I contemplated next steps.

July 28th. I spent the whole night uncontrollably vomiting mucus and air.

July 29th.

I woke up with nonfunctional legs. 5/?

I spent months trying to recover from "sciatica." Legs and back flaring, couldn't clean or go up to laundry, so exhausted I could barely stay awake.

July 27. I notice a giant fresh-rubbed sore on the knuckle of my big toe. No pain, no blood. I'm like "aw fuck, big D has me." 4/?

It peaked March 2025: something was seriously wrong.

I was on the loo, fainted, fell off INTO the shower. Dizzy, cut and banged up bad.

Treated as normal fall recovery.

Then in April, over 15 years with a functioning system and no testosterone...periods stopped. 3/?

*pinches nose* When did this even start? I want to say March, but longer. For years I've been tired, increasingly empty, stressed, unmotivated, incapable. I thought I was just burned out and needed time and rest.

No.

I was literally dying by inches. 2/?

Okay. Okay. Okay. I should try to explain what happened, why I'm in the hospital, and why I'm so mad without getting myself any angrier. Anger is why I had one stroke. I don't need another.

....

Yeah, I fucking got Fettermaned. Brain bleed blowout. Back of my skull removed. 1/?

I am so fucking tired of nearly dying every other day and no I will *not* be some smiling positive inspo martyr about it, I am angry and I can't walk and I WANT OUT OF THIS HOSPITAL BED

❤️

❤️

(hi, not dead, not okay but I will be, problem with access to my anti-inflammatories that keep me functional but is getting sorted + dead laptop, do not have the spoons for anything else and sorry if anyone thought I was ignoring them, my tank is on zero--back when I can be)

it has not even been a MONTH since "Freydis Moon is actually Brooklyn Ray brownfishing FOR THE SECOND TIME," can we not get a MINUTE of daylight between that and "James Somerton faked his own suicide then posted balls and hole on his alt the same day"

I was going to say every time I try to move my body gets all "fuck you, I'm a dragon" but honestly that would be worth the pain if I were currently transmuting into a dragon vs. what I actually am: a sack of angry bones that don't want to work properly anymore

...Sky, I watched Old and it was one of the biggest cinematic regrets of my life. Even worse finding out it's based on a Swiss French comic that does *none* of the goofy stuff I hated about the film.

god, why do heating pads feel so amazingly good

I swear, my little girl is trying to kill me with cute.

I saw a post on FB that said "Queer kids need stories about happy queer adults." Yes, absolutely. But they also need stories of angry queer adults whose rage and disdain for the world as it is fuel them to tear apart systems of oppression, even if they never get to become one of the happy ones.

oh my god I am losing my everloving shite

mab got her squeaky stuffed little bitty skunk toy stuck to her paw by one claw and she's trying to shake it off squeak squeak SQUEAK and I need to grab my phone and video but I'm laughing so hard and I don't want y'all to hear me wheezing until *I* squeak

why do I keep giving M. Night Shyamalan any trust

any trust at all

A screenshot of gameplay from the critically acclaimed MMORPG Final Fantasy XIV, with an expanded free trial which you can play through the entirety of A Realm Reborn...okay, I'll stop. The screenshot shows the Rogue's Guild headquarters in Limsa Lominsa, a lamplit room with walls and floors of wood, stone, metal, and plaster, dotted with things such as notices and maps, with sacks, ropes, and crates stacked and strewn around the edges. In the center of the room is a wooden table with a large document spread over it and several wooden chairs pulled out from it. Three characters stand around the table: a lalafell with tan skin and white hair, wearing bandages for a shirt, green cropped pants, and a green du-rag to the left; a Caucasian human man in a similar outfit save for the top, which is a poet's shirt open under a green vest, his hair brown under the du-rag; and, seen from behind, a tan male Au Ra with a black ponytail and a black sleeveless top wearing *very* tight leather pants.

Do he got a booty? Yes, he doooooo.

I am agog at waking up to being at $625/$735! Only $110 left to go to keep me housed! *8* days left!
Please help keep me from becoming homeless. Thank you, you beautiful people. 💙💙💙
#MutualAid #Helpsky

paypal.me/rookkilljoy
CA/VM: foxrook
gofund.me/a6b0a356

Book cover for the story collection When Your Heart is a Broken thing by Helen Whistberry. The title is in a circle around an anatomical heart with a pin through it. There is a white rabbit leaping over the top of the title and crying blood tears. There is a red rabbit leaping around the bottom of the title. Its white skeleton is showing and it is weeping blue tears.

SALE! SALE! SALE!

For the rest of #IndieApril, grab the ebook copy of my latest story collection for only

$.99!!!

Generous selection of fairy tale, folklore, and ghost-inspired fantasy and horror stories all with an original illustration by me! #art #book #horror #sff

books2read.com/ABrokenThing

As long as we don't let it make us cynical, right? Or at least not too cynical to give people a chance.

Tell those inanimate objects I will drag them into a back alley if they don't leave you alone.

❤️ Resting and medicating and hoping.

lupus flare-up.