Adele Taylor (pthagonal)

It was also the meal my son and I made together the day she died, when we realised we should eat something. That was, by far and away, the worst chilli ever made which - fair. We weren't exactly at our best.

I cook chilli the way my late partner Jess taught me. It is never as good as hers, but it's still one of my favourite meals to cook. And I hate cooking.

Big ol' wok full of chilli con carne

Guess it's a Beef Day.

Emotions all over the place. I feel so fragile. I couldn't tell you what's wrong — just that everything is.

Although I have finished my puzzle book so I'm starting to feel sad again.

Cried, napped, had hot drink, snacked lots. Bit less sad now.

Stepped out of the TARDIS at the wrong time at first, huh?

Fffff....I suppose I had a run of good days I was bound to crash sooner or later

I am well aware of the irony in listening to a conversation about how core beliefs of "I'm worthless" and "I don't produce anything" are erroneous and having those exact negative thoughts but....

Pizzamas DM screen. You can't see it very well because I am terrible at taking photos.

It arrived! In time for this week's in-person session! It is a work of art!

I'm completely blind in my right eye and sometimes the optometrist doesn't believe me and says "just try" - like, dude, why would I lie about this? I can literally only see the darkness caused by my one working eye being covered.

Wedding was amazing, slight issue getting home thanks to Storm Claudia but I have amazing friends so I'm being fed and getting a lift to my much delayed ferry, with a hotel room on the other side so I can grab a few hours sleep before I get a train.

A woman with slicked backed hair and glasses wearing a white dress with black floral print down sides.

Fit check.

A neatly made double bed - white sheets with a floral bed runner. There's a wood headboard and side table and a window with net curtains.

Checked in and so ready for bed. Forgot how to speak briefly but the receptionist was very nice.

In Ireland. On first of two buses. So nearly there.

At Ferry Terminal. Got waved straight through security. Guy in front of me in queue had instrument case with many interesting stickers - ”Bollocks to Brexit", "Eat the Rich" and "Fuck Gender Roles" stood out in particular.

Mostly just the travel. I'm going to a wedding which will be a bit intimidating because People, but at least I don't have to do anything other than be there.

At Chester. Nerves increasing again but I've got nearly two more hours of train and I can do trains.

Had breakfast, on train, have seat. First stop - Manchester.

I think I am the most nervous I have ever been, but Dublin, here I come

Oh thanks, random youtube commenter - I'd forgotten mental illness suddenly goes away in middle age.

It is, and it has shipped so hopefully will only be another week or so. 🤞
Thank you, I am starting to feel more human now, lost pretty much the whole week but them's the breaks.

And the less said about the match the better! 😬

Gonna have to upgrade from "Terrible handwriting' to "BIG HAT" until my "DM Screen (Fancy)" arrives.

Not sure where flu ends and depression starts. Spent most of today in bed.

I've been out of bed about twenty minutes and I'm already regretting it.

It's all very well saying "sadness and grief are normal emotions and part of a fully lived life" but repeatedly collapsing into tears just isn't helpful and it's hard to do any actual living when it keeps happening

Yup, full depressive slump. I preferred being too ill to think at all.

Me: "I should continue my re-listen of The Anthropocene Reviewed"
Also me: "WHY AM I CRYING?!"
I never learn.

I should probably read Gatsby at some point y'know

You can tell I'm feeling better because the negative self talk has started up again