The Halfway Post

BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly threatening that if he doesn’t get the Nobel Peace Prize this year he’ll quit trying to end the wars in Ukraine and Gaza.

BREAKING: Donald Trump claims this is “Joe Biden’s shutdown.”

BREAKING: A company that makes Stephen Miller Halloween costumes just sold out in one day because of how creepy he is.

BREAKING: A company that makes Stephen Miller Halloween costumes just sold out in one day because of how creepy he is.

BREAKING: A rural hospital in California is handing out MAGA hats to every patient who loses their healthcare coverage because of GOP budget cuts.

Trump Hopes His "War On Christmas" Can Distract From The Epstein Files Join my comedic rebellion against Trumpism — subscribe to support my satire for just $2.50 a month. Never stop laughing at the fascists.

He's getting desperate to bury the Epstein files!

Republicans Could Stop The Chaos Imagine the political and cultural power that could be obtained by a small handful of sane Republican senators who sincerely understand everything is going wrong with our democracy under Donald Trump’...

Reminder

BREAKING: Stephen Miller is reportedly worried Trump will stroke out and resign before he gets to do any medical testing in their concentration camps.

BREAKING: Pete Hegseth shared with all the generals an AI video of Donald Trump demonstrating the military fitness standards doing pushups, pull ups, and burpee squat jumps.

Remember January 6th? The Halfway Café Does! As Donald Trump gets more fascist, take a walk down memory lane to see where his political egomania went off the rails.

Flashback to Trump's lame duck era following his election loss to Joe Biden when he incited a coup attempt.

Republicans Could Stop The Chaos Imagine the political and cultural power that could be obtained by a small handful of sane Republican senators who sincerely understand everything is going wrong with our democracy under Donald Trump’...

Imagine if Republicans met the moment.

BREAKING: A petition asking Stephen Miller’s wife to never describe their sex life ever again now has 136 million signatures.

BREAKING: Pete Hegseth is reportedly going to record at his all-hands meeting with every general and admiral who wears fun military-themed socks and who doesn't.

BREAKING: War Department officials reportedly keep giving Pete Hegseth water bottles filled with tequila and vodka hoping he relapses and goes on a bender that forces Trump to fire him.

BREAKING: Democrats are reportedly offering Donald Trump a deal where, if he makes JD Vance resign and then appoints Kamala Harris as his VP before resigning himself, they won’t release the Epstein Files.

BREAKING: Several D.C.-based artists are reportedly displaying dozens of small statues and graffiti depictions of Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein holding hands all over the National Mall.

Don't be too vindictive about it though ha

🫡

Grifting The Rapture This week's Dadaist graffiti news headlines!

The most annoying Christians are still here...

BREAKING: Gay dating apps reportedly surged all day yesterday from Christians who were trying to get in one more gay hookup before the Rapture.

A New Horror Film Depicts Trump And Epstein Getting Stranded And Tortured On An Island Of Sadistic Teen Girls This is a sneak peak at Part I of the story!

Feral teen girls torture Trump and Epstein in this new movie

BREAKING: Thousands of protesters are reportedly calling their local Sinclair and Nextstar affiliates to play out loud the sound of gay pornography, Obama’s speeches, and the First Amendment read aloud.

BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly threatening Republicans that if the Epstein files are released he'll reveal all the GOP's closeted gays.

This Week's News 10 serious thoughts because I'm not feeling up to being a Dadaist today. The first half are free, the second half are for paid subscribers.

Serious thoughts from a satirist

BREAKING: UN representatives from several African countries reportedly told Trump to his face today that the only shithole country was his stained underpants that were so big to cover his fat ass that they could be an independent nation.

BREAKING: Melania Trump reportedly charged Trump an extra $1,000 per second in appearance fees for the time she was stuck on the escalator with him.

BREAKING: The United Nations reportedly removed all Diet Cokes from the vending machines to screw with Trump.

BREAKING: The UN served chicken tacos for lunch today in honor of Donald Trump.

BREAKING: The only person raptured today so far has been Eric Trump.