There's a girl in full clown makeup on the bus and it's not even me. I love Halloween

Every other post on the neighborhood Facebook page is asking when trick or treat is.

Little do they know I will show up in costume on their porch when they least expect it.

Unfortunately, my brain was built to maximize whimsy and not profit so my officially pitched ideas to offload 100+ extra fundraiser pumpkins were to 1. Dress as a scarecrow and have a farm stand or 2. Dress as a pumpkin and bike around leaving artful arrangements on people's porches

How did people make sewing patterns before seran wrap and duct tape?

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may I speak with the primary poster in your household?

A transformer blew and most of my neighborhood is without power. My kid was playing across the street where they lost power and came home to where we still have power, saw the lights on and said "good, my protection spell is working" 💀

As excited as I am to go to NYC to see Chappell Roan, I am even more grateful for the chance to see Jinkx Monsoon and Kumail Nanjiani in Oh, Mary!

Me packing for camping
✅ Hammock
✅ Jug of cold brew
✅ Protein shake
✅ Pack of hot dogs
✅ Swimming suit

Done

Loudest band I ever saw on that stage was Sleigh Bells.

V v v loud

Prize corner juice drops

"why do you think people at Five Below are having crushes on you?"

✅ Quirky character actors
✅ Petty grievance quickly gives way to violence
✅ Ke Huy Quan riding a bicycle to his job as a realtor.
✅ Sean Astin in a comically large cowboy hat

The genre play was an actual spy movie that started playing automatically after the last Poker Face episode and we both thought it was an episode of Poker Face for 20 minutes

@lastpinepress.com and I watched 20 minutes of this movie because it started playing automatically after the last episode of Poker Face and we just thought it was another episode of Poker Face

My partner getting up to use the bathroom: "NOW IS THE TIME FOR PEE. Thank you for your attention to this matter "

Bruv, we've seen Andor

Sixty years from now, they will wonder: "why did she use a glue gun to fix that?!?!"

Checking my death perception at the Third Eye doctor

They're sawing and processing the trees that were downed during the storm and it sounds like a hand mixer beating whipped cream in a giant metal bowl

Who let spider Fievel have a blaster?!?! #Andor

She says her dream role is Annie, of course. Personally, I'd want to be FDR. Or the dog.

My six year old and I saw the touring production of Annie today. At first she was disappointed that it wasn't a musical about Anakin Skywalker, but now I think I'm going to have to take her on auditions.

Vincent D'Onofrio as Wilson Fisk as Daddy Warbucks

What's RFK's 5k time?

I love this.

Don't let your kids watch Drag Race because you will be challenged to a 7 category fashion ball on a Sunday morning

I think my mom lets my 6 yr old win at rummy

If I were a drag queen, my name would be Edna Bull-Hitting

"Two tickets for Mickey 17, please" - Me taking myself on a solo movie date