Participation Trophy Wife

New wedding vows just dropped:

"I promise to love, honor, and cherish you for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until Coldplay blasts you and your sidechick on the Jumbotron."

I'm not paying my student loans anymore, then. 🤷🏼‍♀️

My 90-year-old father-in-law on dialysis is just so stoked to go pick tomatoes on the sun.

Or he would be, if he knew what day it was.

Probably.

Maturity is overrated. I have a list of things I want to say to someone who has wronged me, but I won't because it will accomplish nothing useful.

Twenty years ago, I would have done it anyway.

Stupid personal growth. 😡

Correction: they don't want BROWN kids born here.

Major downside of wearing shorts: I lost a layer of skin because my thighs were stuck to the chair. 😭

Do you know the signs of heat exhaustion and heat stroke?

Would you be able to recognize the signs if it were happening to you?

I got dangerously close to heat exhaustion today but I'm also a Girl Scout and so I knew what to do.

I'm okay, I'm just super over this heat/humidity combo.

It's 85 degrees in my 100-year-old non-air-conditioned home.
It's po$$ible to install a central air system and we have the cash to do it, but I've apparently turned into my dad, all "it's fine, got a fan going."

I do have a window unit in my bedroom but the rest of the house is toasty indeed.

You could, theoretically, add a little glitter to that bottle. The really superfine glitter, even.

Yet here you are, commenting on her.

Weird hobby, but 🤷🏼‍♀️

Idiocracy was a documentary.

I think about how we could have had President Al Franken instead.

I think about that a lot.

You're personally acquainted with every single migrant?

That's impressive. I'm surprised you have enough free time to be racist!

Of course she did.
She's not interested in the truth.

Why is that so unusual? I am personally acquainted with a kid whose parents are both 100% German and his name is Juan.

It's not what you're trying to make it out to be.

There is ALWAYS a tweet.

American healthcare sucks, part 69325:

I need to make an appointment with my dermatologist to address a recurring issue. It's not an emergency but I still want to get it taken care of.

Earliest available appointment: October.

Everyone will be issued a transgender person as a friend, maybe?

Yeah, both people who were there stayed dry, I guess. 🤣

Another one to file under: NO SHIT.

Probably needs a diaper change.

I passed TP to Amy Tan in the ladies bathroom at House of Blues in Chicago one time.

Filed under: NO SHIT.

Dementia is so sad to see.

You'll have to be more specific about *which* shit.

It's also my cat's birthday!

Hahahah, seriously.

But we women can be like that too.

Some folks are just A Whole Thing.

He blocked me, lol.

What a special little guy.

I don't need to list my bona fides to you, but if you're trying to get people to assist you in your work, you're doing it wrong?

I've reported your initial response to me as harassment & any additional replies will be reported as well.

Try Xanax, & stay safe if you're protesting this weekend. 👍

I'm screaming at no one. I'm asking a senator who is complaining about something what he plans to do about it.

Not really sure what you're on about, here, but I hope you're having a good day.