Piotr | دانش

Meanwhile me: Okay, I've just realised I got angry at something you said. I'll use one of my go-to strategies to let off steam and then get back to you. We good?

Being autistic, in therapy, studying psychology and reading a paper on emotional regulation be like: 'Do neurotypical people really regulate their emotions without knowing all this? 😳😳'

a close up of a man 's face with blue eyes and a beard ALT: a close up of a man 's face with blue eyes and a beard

me: Would you look at that? A light Friday schedule - it's going to be a nice, gentle and productive day!

a seemingly small disturbance: happens
mind: flooded with emotions
seismic changes in my life: triggered
new trajectory: entered

me: ...did I even blink?

This will always bring me to tears.

I've grown used to dreaming of my sister. Those meetings are always peaceful.

Last night, with her death anniversary around the corner, I dreamt of my grandparents. It felt like a hotline to the deathworld.

They lived in a quiet, faraway house - and somehow that image puts my mind at ease.

After replying to a message I left unanswered for a few days: "Phew, they don't hate me. I'm back on track."

Spoiler: I'm not. Never have been. There are still a dozen more unanswered messages - anywhere from three days to months old.

Maybe I'm just built for 2-3 friends and I've hit the limit? 🥲

❌ "Hellooo?" OR "?"
✅ "I've been thinking about you. How are you? Do you feel like talking or do you need more time?"

❌ (unsolicited voice message)
✅ "May I send you a voice message?"

❌ (message deleted)
✅ "Never mind, I figured it out myself. Have a good day!"

❌ "We're meeting on Friday, I'm free from 5."
✅ "We're meeting Friday, in front of my house. I'll be there at 5:20."

❌ "I'd love to talk, but I'm busy.”
✅ "I don't feel like talking - I prefer texting."

❌ "It's okay." OR (silence)
✅ "I'm upset. I need some time off, I'll get back to you."

Which is my way of saying: we're building an app together! 😍

I'm not saying the coolest thing about being hired by your partner is getting a say in your job title, but… no, wait, that *is* actually the coolest thing 😎

AI + Psych Insight Architect 😎

My therapist is a box of chocolates.

I have two modes:

1. Overthink everything and don’t act

2. Act impulsively and don’t think

I feel that way whenever I come back to doing anything after a break 😅

…you either leave early (and only get 45-50 mins in the pool) or end up paying extra for a few more minutes. Nothing like queueing twice - the second time just to transfer 2-4 PLN (~1 euro).

Why not just pay when you leave? 😵‍💫

Why am I paying to change shoes and shower? 😵‍💫

Why is the swimming pool entrance fee system so weird? 😵‍💫

You pay upfront for a full hour, but that includes time to: leave your coat and shoes, find the right locker room, change, shower… then you can swim.

Afterwards, you reverse the whole process. It's never exactly 60 minutes, so...

That's very timely for me.
Guess who's most likely to get punished for speaking out - just for reacting appropriately to profs at my uni breaking their own procedures and acting unethically? Yours truly.

Yeah, I tend to wait for the perfect moment, too 😅 I'm like, "I've only got 50 minutes now, it doesn't make sense to start anything as I won't be able to make meaningful progress anyway". That's not true!

Now to choose a title:

Piotr, Chief Autistic Integrity Officer

or

Piotr, Chief Autistic Bullshit Detector?

🤔

You know what would be cool? If someone said:
'Look, Piotr, you're great at spotting when we break rules, make dumb decisions or work inefficiently. Can you be in charge of making sure we're not dishonest or just plain wrong? Oh, and we promise not to hate you for the negative feedback, either!'

I don't think I'll ever fit in. I never have.

In any hierarchical institution, I react intensely to injustice, negligence, broken procedures, arbitrariness.

I've never stayed anywhere too long.

When a powerful emotion surges, I have to uncork what I can't contain.

After yet another injustice at my uni, something snapped.

I wrote a public review listing all my grievances — including serious breaches, like a lecturer giving us the answer key during the final exam.

Will I get expelled? Leave voluntarily? Tone the review down?

Your guess is as good as mine.

Okay, do you ever channel someone else — a real person, an actor, a fictional character — when you need to feel confident in real life? I sometimes do.

Is it an #autistic thing or just a Piotr thing? It's like I have so little self-confidence at times that I need to borrow it from someone else.

Many online courses feel dumbed down. The "lecturer" apologises if a video's over 10 mins, says: "You don't need to understand this."
Some uni courses are the same: you can pass without really learning 😏

I'm taking a harder, more satisfying path: "Do I get this?" "Can I explain it?" "Can I use it?"

🧊 ¿Tú también tienes una nevera mental donde dejas cosas para "más tarde"… y se te olvidan?

Las mías no se me olvidan.
Se convierten en mamuts congelados,
mirándome con juicio desde sus bloques de hielo.
Y yo no puedo hacer nada.
Están congelados. Yo, paralizado.

#adhd #tdah

I see some healthy balance here! 😁

Hey, Bluesky friends! What are you up to these days? 🤔

Here's my summer so far:
- learning to swim (finally, with a trainer!)
- loving my Wednesday morning TBC class
- doing a Machine Learning course
- reading up on motivation (my fav psych topic! 🤓)
- still teaching English & Spanish

"Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree,
If mankind perished utterly;
And Spring herself, when she woke at dawn,
Would scarcely know that we were gone."

Read it 20 years ago at school - felt nothing.
Read it today and I'm having an existential crisis.

105 years later, we've learnt nothing.

my therapist: you can always refuse when people ask you for something. no need to justify it.
me: okay

a month later

him: tomorrow we're meeting online
me: no
him: sorry, but we have to
me: nope, nuh-uh
him: but I'm not asking
me: 🎶 nah, to the ah, to the no, no, no 🎶

humans: AI taking over? oh no, that would be the end of humanity.
also humans: waging wars, killing each other, inciting hatred, lying through their teeth.

no, please enlighten me: what's so great about humanity, for the world or for itself, that's so worth protecting from AI? I'll wait.

My therapist, casually: By the way, Nonviolent Communication is actually pretty violent.

Me: 😳

You can't just say that and leave! What a cliffhanger.
He really knows how to end an episode of "This Therapist Is About to Turn Your Life Upside Down."